Sequester What??! Let ‘Robert Pattinson’ Explain It for You (PHOTOS)

Sequester What??! Let ‘Robert Pattinson’ Explain It for You (PHOTOS)

robert pattinsonOkay, there's this buzzword floating around a lot these days. Maybe you've heard it? Sequester. As in, "Who will suffer the most from the sequester?" Or, "Where will the sequester cuts hurt your community?" Or, "Should we panic over the sequester, and if so, how soon? Today? Yesterday?"

You may be wondering, WHAT THE HELL IS THE SEQUESTER? So you Google that, and you get lots of words. Words with no pictures, and no mention of the Oscars, either, so that's super boring. But wait! "Robert Pattinson" is here to explain to you what the sequester is and how it could affect you.

  • What Is the Sequester


    Hey ladies. No need to worry, I can explain. The sequester is a bunch of mandatory spending cuts to your government's budget. That's $1 trillion in crazy-ass, willy-nilly, make-no-sense cuts. It's like a threat that's supposed to motivate your president, House, and Senate to pass a real budget, BY FRIDAY, or things get really ugly.

  • Borders Less Secure


    These cuts could make our borders less secure. I mean, that's what Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano says.

  • Less Fun at National Parks



    This is me waiting for Bella/Kristen at Olympic National Park. (Maybe.) Sequester cuts would mean cutting visiting hours. Oh no! Where is Edward supposed to meet up with Bella during twilight hours now?

  • Kicking Kiddies Out of Preschool



    Head Start would have to drop kids and even close some schools. As you can see, this upsets me.

  • Lost Jobs



    I hear companies are getting ready to lay off employees if these cuts go through. That seriously bums me out. Gotta have a smoke now.

  • What Do We Do?


    But it doesn't have to go down like that! Everyone needs to get together and agree on a budget -- you know, like all the vampire covens banding together when the Volturi threatened us. It'll take compromise -- here's Obama's plan, and yes, it involves a plan for balanced deficit reduction. It would make me so happy if we could avoid the sequester cut, you guys. Like, so happy!

barack obama in the news politics white house taxes

More Slideshows