Chef Admits He Cooked His Wife's Body & We're Afraid to Learn More

david viensThis story is so gross. I'm just warning you now. If you're reading this while eating your lunch, please put down your sandwich and read this heartwarming story about eight kids getting rescued first. Then read this post after you're finished eating. Okay, are you ready now? Great. Here we go: In a taped interview with police a chef admitted he cooked his dead wife's body for four days until there was nothing left but her skull.

I'm stumped now because "ew" and "gross" just don't seem strong enough. Is there a better word? Revolting? I feel like I need to make one up, like HOUYOHOOEYUGHUGH! Anyway, you probably want the how and the why, right? Read on, brave readers.

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David Viens is a Los Angeles chef who has been charged with his wife's murder. Dawn Viens went missing in October 2009. Police could never find her body. Then, in March 2011, David stepped forward to tell police he'd cooked away the body. He put Dawn in a 55-gallon drum, put some weights on top, and just kept her on a boil until she disintegrated. Then he stashed the skull somewhere at his mother's house, as you do.

Wow, props to David for using his chef skills -- no, forget it. This is so sick and wrong I can't even give him that.

So ... how did Dawn die in the first place? David told the police that he'd taped Dawn's mouth and hands with duct tape, and when he woke up the next day, she was dead. SHRUG -- don't know why! So that's unsatisfying.

But wait, there's more! When David found out police were charging him with his wife's murder, he literally jumped off a cliff. He jumped off a mother-loving 80-foot cliff and now he's in a wheelchair.

AND! Despite admitting that he taped up his wife and then boiled her body, he still pleaded not-guilty to her murder. Because why would he do that?!?

You totally want me to stop telling you things about David Viens now, don't you! Like, is there anything else we should know? Does he also torture little puppy dogs? What?

Thankfully that's all I know about David Viens. I'm not going to start digging around for more. Instead, I'm going to read this recipe for Snow White Vanilla Birthday Cake With Angel Feather Icing and try to think happy thoughts.

Is this the weirdest getting-rid-of-the-body story you've ever heard?

 

Image via Loma Police Department

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