Man Loses Millions for Failing to Control His Backside

MooningI’m torn between high-fiving Jason Selch for his boldness and kneeing him in the very posterior that’s recently caused him so much trouble. Indeed, unfastening his pants and mooning his now former bosses at Bank of America probably made him feel vindicated, maybe even briefly superior. That was showing them!

I’m sure, however, that he’s not feeling nearly as saucy now that he lost $2 million from doing so. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure he would kick himself in his own hindparts if he could. 

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It seems our friend Jason was irked after a BOA merger with Columbia Asset Management gave one of his friends a raw deal. Selch’s buddy was forced to choose between a salary cut or his walking papers. Naturally, he refused the offer of less money for the same amount of work and, in the grandest show of “that’s what friends are for” solidarity, Selch burst into a conference room and laid his bosses out on his pal’s behalf.

He capped off his suit-and-tie temper tantrum by dropping his britches and mooning everybody in the room. Oh, and threatening one of the execs and telling them to never to return to Chicago. Wow. Just like something out of a movie. Score!

Except here’s the caveat: our homie Jason was just months away from being fully vested in a $2 million bonus package. Purposely exposing your cheeks to your higher-ups and harvesting a forthcoming multimillion-dollar windfall generally don’t mix well. That’s a little foreshadowing for Selch’s woes.

I’d venture to say that 95 percent of us daydream—at some point in our careers—about sauntering into a direct supervisor’s office, doing the Riverdance across all of the papers on his or her desk, and delivering an elaborate cuss-out about all of the annoying fallibilities and shortcomings you’ve noticed since you’ve been under their employ (word choice and length of tirade dependent, of course, on how suckish your job is). It’s part of the American Dream to tell off the jerk or jerkette who’s made the hours between 9 and 5 miserable for however long you’ve been there.

But most of us weigh the consequences for a number of reasons, none of them usually involving the eventual transfer of a ginormous bonus. Poor Jason didn’t. Amazingly, he wasn’t fired. At first. But when the Bank of America CEO got wind of the story, Jason Selch got pink slipped and, with that, lost access to his $2 million.

The moral of the story: think before you moon.

Have you ever unceremoniously left a job?



Image via Beverly & Pack/Flickr

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