Thief Catches Ebola from Phone Because a Criminal Mastermind He Ain't

cell phoneYou know those "moral of the story" stories you tell kids over and over again to brainwash some sense of right and wrong into their little heads? Like The Boy Who Cried Wolf and The Tortoise and the Hare and The Goose With the Golden Eggs? Well, here's a modern-day cautionary tale to add to the list: The Ebola Phone Thief.

Ahem. Once upon a time (two weeks ago) in a faraway land (Uganda), there was a man who very much wanted his very own cell phone. His pockets empty, he went in search of an unsuspecting cell phone owner to rob. He looked and he looked, high and low, but alas, the easy target he hoped to find eluded him ... until at last the man came to an isolation ward in a hospital where people were quarantined with the Ebola virus.

"Surely that patient won't wake if I take his cell phone," quoth the man. "He might already be dead!"

Oh, but the Ebola-stricken cell phone owner wasn't dead ... yet.


Unfortunately, the patient "succumbed to a deadly hemorrhagic fever stemming from the virus" soon after his cell phone was stolen, but he was able to report the theft before passing on.

Meanwhile, the robber was talking away on his newly acquired phone with nary a care. Nay, not a care in the world! Except, honestly, he wasn't feeling that great all of a sudden. In fact, he kind of felt like he was coming down with something ...

LIKE THE EBOLA VIRUS, MAYBE?! The hell you say! Yes, boys and girls, that unidentified thief caught the Ebola virus from his stolen phone and subsequently checked himself into the very hospital where he committed the crime and confessed to the police.

He is currently receiving treatment. (Though I'm honestly not sure how much can be done for a dude when Instant Karma knocks him right in the head.)

The moral of the story? He who is enough of a dumbass to steal from somebody quarantined with the Ebola virus deserves to catch the Ebola virus.

Do you think the "punishment" fit this crime?


Image via Jeramey Jannene/Flickr


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