The David Hasselhoff Apocalypse Is Here. Later, Zombies. (VIDEO)

david hasseloffDude. Don't hassle The Hoff. Okay? And by hassle I do mean "steal hundreds of giant David Hasselhoff cardboard cutouts from convenience stores." Where's your sense of common decency? Can't a cardboard guy sell a refreshing beverage in peace?

It's true: Approximately 550 cardboard cutouts of David Hasselhoff have been stolen from outside Cumberland Farms convenience stores in New England and Florida. The cutouts are, or were, part of a (brilliant) campaign to market iced coffee -- but no one seems to have any idea who's stealing them or why. (Cause The Hoff's still got it, that's why! Or something. Though I hear he's a little stiff. HA.)

Anyway, the Cumberland Farms people seem more amused than annoyed, which frankly restores my faith in humanity a little bit. But they're still curious ... where have all the Hasselhoffs gone?

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Maybe the missing David Hasselhoffs ...

1. Are forming an army. Like the March of the Wooden Soldiers! Except with Cardboard Lifeguards. (Totally the same otherwise.)

2. All went to Germany. Because you know "David Hasselhoff is big in Germany."

3. Will show up next on an episode of the brand new reality show, Hasselhoff Hoarders.

4. Are being compiled into one gigantic David Hasselhoff sculpture which will one day replace the Statue of Liberty. No torch! Just iced coffee.

5. Omg. It's totally the David Hasselhoff Apocalypse.

What would you do with a giant cardboard cutout of David Hasselhoff?

Image via ABC40

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