10 Craziest, Funniest & Most Outrageous Quips From 'The Stir' Writers

stir birthdayBirthdays are always a great time to reflect on what you've accomplished in a year, and seeing as it's our second birthday today (happy birthday to us!), we compiled a list of some of our favorite lines from the last year. If you think about it, we've published about 17,000 posts since last March 15, which is roughly 5.9 million words in over 510,000 sentences, but somehow, somehow, we've managed to pull out 10 of our favorite sentences.

Whether it's something a writer's said about politics or hair care, The Bachelor or breast cancer, we think the following lines show the range of our topics, tone, and tenacity.

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1. Susan G. Komen Foundation Has Always Been About Lies

Komen and all it stands for has always felt like a cult of dishonesty and this current political flap only proves it. If they cared about women, they would care about making sure that every woman has the ability to get care for her cancer so she CAN be a survivor. Komen doesn't deal with the reality of breast cancer, though. They deal in the "prettification" of it.

2. The Believer's Rapture Party Planning Guide

Try hot gluing photos of your non-believer friends and co-workers to lampshades around the house. As the party goes on, the photos will get hot, and you can see what it's going to look like when they melt in real life!

3. 'Real Housewives of Atlanta' Recap: Things Get Ridiculous

You knew it was going to be bad when Phaedra started hinting about her gift to Kandi, saying things like it was "something that could only be made in nature." We'd heard about her client, the stripper who can, uh, pleasure himself with his own mouth last season, and tonight, everyone saw him do it ... right there at the party, right after he swung his penis this way and that then stuck it in Kandi's drink.

4. It's My Baby & I Can Choose Cesarean If I Want To

Since I went public with my expectant-mom status, I've been lectured on why c-sections are evil, how getting amnio is dangerous (one friend even asked me disapprovingly why I wanted to "prick" my baby), and why choosing not to breastfeed is like child abuse. So far, I haven't gotten the sermon about day care, but it's coming. I can feel it.

5. Jesus Showing Up on a Tortilla Proves People Love Themselves Some Tacos

Anyway, I'm personally not surprised. God is supposed to work in mysterious ways, right? And let's face it: If Jesus didn't resort to stamping his likeness on a food item (one that people can get at a drive-thru, no less), nobody would have noticed!

6. A Courtney Robertson Sex Tape Will Make 'Bachelor' Ben Want Her Even More

OMG. Can someone please tell me what in the hell is wrong with Ben Flajnik? Because there's just no way that he can be smart enough to own and operate a successful winery and still be dumb enough not to have figured out that Courtney Robertson is playing him like a cheap game of strip poker. That is, of course, unless he's sucking back way too much of the "drink" while on the job.

7. Men Don't Really Fall in Love Within Seconds, Do They?

What's your secret? Why are men flocking to you and not me? It's because I use Suave products, isn't it.

8. Don't Make My Daughter Apologize for Being a Girl

Corny as it is, I want my daughter to be all that she can be. But I'm also trying to raise a child whose worth is rooted in the self. To get anywhere, she has to like who she is. If that means letting her be proud of being her kind of girl who likes pink and sparkles and will jump in a go cart to drive one of her little (male) buddies around while other girls wear jeans and t-shirts and play Star Wars at recess, so be it. Because it isn't the "stuff" or the color that makes a person.

9. Blunt Amendment Proves Birth Control Isn't an 'Issue' for Most Americans

Since the Republicans don't have answers to those questions -- they just want to keep the Bush tax cuts for the rich in place and keep lining the pockets of Big Oil and bankster cronies -- they've switched the script. Zeroed in on Planned Parenthood and birth control as the must-discuss-and-decide topics of the day. For all intents and purposes, put the country in a flying DeLorean and set the time circuits to 1692.

10. Chef Claims Tallest Stack of Pancakes and Feels More Manly

And let's hear it for Andy for making that stack stand without the use of Viagra! Whoops, I mean without supports. Why did I say that?!? I have no idea! This is supposed to be about pancakes. A big, huge, towering, powerful stack of pancakes. With melted butter and maple syrup dripping down the sides. And do you know what that reminds me of? Breakfast, duh. What were you thinking?

What are your favorite or least favorite quotes from our writers over the last year?

 

Photo via jointhedots/Flickr

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