What Chuck Norris' Robocall for Newt Gingrich REALLY Says (VIDEO)

chuck norris newt gingrichWho's the baddest mother trucker in the land? That'd be Chuck Norris. Everyone knows he can kick your ass just by looking at you -- no hands needed. Just one squinted glare and boom, you're on the ground writhing in pain. But Chuck's not really into the karate chops anymore as he is supporting the GOP. While some might consider that just as scary as facing down a gang of ne'r-do-well cowboys, Chuck's a fan of the Republican party and generally slings his support behind a conservative candidate every four years. For 2012, he's all about Newt Gingrich. So much so, in fact, that he's recorded a robocall message for Newt that contacted voters in Alabama and Mississippi.

It's a pretty tame message, considering that bad-ass combat made Chuck into the famous Internet meme that he is today. I'm thinking that maybe we have to read between the lines to know what he's really trying to say. I have a feeling his subtext is way more aggressive.

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The call starts off with a creepy, robotic "hello," then Chuck gets right to it. He says:

As my wife Jean and I watched the GOP debate, we were trying to decide which of the candidates would be best to do head-to-head combat with President Obama.

Pretty sure what he means is something like:

As me, myself, and my muscles watched the GOP debate, we were trying to decide how many push-ups we wanted to do for fun, and then came to the conclusion that only we Chuck Norris could beat President Obama. The USA needs an incredible Chucktatorship.

He continues:

Under Newt's leadership the budget was balanced, taxes were cut, and we began to pay down our debt.

So by that he's saying ... :

Newt Gingrich might be good at budgets and stuff, but I'm good at everything. Dinosaur extinction? Yeah, you're welcome.

And finally:

[If elected, Newt] will use common sense measures, like building the Keystone pipeline to lower the cost of gas to two and a half dollars a gallon.

Subtext is clearly ... :

I will build the Keystone pipeline in 24 hours. I will then make Bruce Lee and Segal watch me as I eat their lunches.

Chuck Norris is the best, so yeah, maybe Newt will win in Alabama and Mississippi just because everyone's too scared to anger the man who built the hospital he was born in.

Listen to Chuck's robocall:

 

Do you think Newt will win the primary in Alabama and Mississippi?

 

Photo via ngingrich/YouTube

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