Mitt Romney Will Be the Republican Nominee, Whether We Like Him or Not

romneySo Romney won in New Hampshire. I have one thing to say about that: DUH. Romney is the candidate everyone has been avoiding all season long, and voters are finally resigning themselves to reality -- he's as good as it's going to get for them. I mean, supposedly Romney's win made history because he's the first incumbent Republican to win both in Iowa and in New Hampshire, bla bla bla. But whatevs, it's really hard to spin this as exciting news.

You know he's going to win South Carolina -- and I'd better not see anyone act all surprised when he does. Y'all are stuck with the RomneyBot! You know it, and I know it.


Jon Stewart on the Daily Show compared the Republican primaries to a Whitman Sampler box, with everyone trying every single chocolate in the hopes that they'd find something better than the plain Romney bar. To me, the Republican primaries are like that girl you went to high school with who ran off with that race car driver, and it didn't work out. So she moved on to the club promoter -- the three-month disaster. And then she hooked up with the arms dealer, and that tanked. And finally, she moved back home with her parents and started dating that nice accountant, and now they have 2.5 kids made out of mashed potatoes.

You cannot avoid Romney. He is your $54 million destiny. Oh, that? It's how much money he's raised so far. I don't know how his campaign manager can even lift a leg carrying around that much money. But I can't wait to see which stylist they hire to clean up Gingrich as his running mate. You know he'd look fab in a red leather Michael Jackson "Thriller" jacket.

Anyhoo, speaking of zombies, I guess now the guessing game is all about the running mate (forget what I said about Gingrich, I really have no idea). Which of the walking dead candidates will Romney choose? Or will he go rogue and pick someone with a pulse? I can't wait to find out!

Do you think it's inevitable that Romney will be the Republican nominee for President?


Image via alicegop/Flickr

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