6 Wackiest Black Friday Moments of 2011

Black FridaySay what you will about the forced cheer of Cyber Monday, but it's got Black Friday beat hands down on the sanity end. I have it on good authority that your laptop will never bite you on the nose in a battle for the very last Fijit Friend in the store. But if online shopping the week after Thanksgiving is truly getting more popular, I'm not sure what it says about the escalating absurdity of what goes on in the stores on that fateful Friday.

Are the smart people staying home, leaving the real lunatics to come to fisticuffs over a couple of TVs, or are all the normal folks out on Friday being lost in the shuffle of freaks? Let's take a look at the wackiest moments of Black Friday 2011 to see if we can figure it out.

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Stepping Over a Dead Man: In what is truly the saddest story of the holiday season thus far, a 61-year-old pharmacist from West Virginia was in a Target store just after midnight to pick up some decorations for his business. But when Walter Vance collapsed from a heart attack, fellow shoppers just continued about their business, stepping over his lifeless body to get at the goods. With that kind of sensitivity, it's a wonder they weren't demanding more money off the reduced flat-screen because it was stored next to a dead body.
Where It Falls on the Shame Meter:
10 (on a scale of 1 to 10)

Pepper Spraying 20-Some Fellow Shoppers (Kids Included): One Wal-Mart shopper seemed better prepared for a sit-in at UC Davis than for decking the halls. Cops are still trying to determine whether they'll charge the California woman, but maybe the best punishment would be to make her hand over her ill-gotten gains to a few families who couldn't afford to bring their chemical arsenal to the Christmas sales.
Where It Falls on the Shame Meter:
9 -- little KIDS got sprayed here people!

Out-of-Control Employee Behind the Wheel: A Target employee finished up her long overnight shift and hopped in the car to drive home. Instead she ended up driving her car into a Florida canal, allegedly because she was so exhausted after a full shift at work.
Where It Falls on the Shame Meter:
9 -- for all the other lives she put at risk. When you know you're going to work an overnight, you sleep during the day. Hundreds of thousands of shift workers manage it; you can too.

Drunken Shopping: The turkey apparently didn't put Christopher Blake Pyron to sleep, so the 22-year-old wandered off to his local Wal-Mart to see if the artificial lightning and maze of shelving could do the trick. Only problem is cops in his Alabama hometown said he was completely drunk and belligerent. After he (allegedly) punched them, they pulled out the tasers. Who needs to pay $5 for the True Blood Season DVD when you can get a bolt of electricity through your body for free?
Where It Falls on the Shame Meter:
3 -- unless he drove there in that condition.

Cops Body Slamming Grandpa: Not sure which is worse -- that a little boy was trampled by gamers at an Arizona Wal-Mart who were ripping at the discounted discs, or that Grandpa was grabbed by police and thrown to the ground when he slipped Sonny's game into his waistband and tried to walk out of the melee with the boy held up high in the air. For their part, the cops say Gramps was shoplifting, and they kindly asked him to put the game back before sweeping his leg. He slammed his face on the floor because he didn't catch himself, they say. Either way, this was no game.
Where It Falls on the Shame Meter:
5 -- it's so he said/she said, there's no way to assess what really went down here, but it's a shame a kid was caught up in it all.

The Great Waffle Maker Riot of 2011: What happens when you put waffle makers on sale for $2 a pop? Sweet, sweet chaos.
Where It Falls on the Shame Meter
: 1 -- come on, who doesn't like waffles? With syrup? Or ice cream? Or ...

So, what do you think? Are there more kooks out? Are people just doing things that are that much worse? Or is time Cyber Monday replaces Black Friday entirely?

 

Image via LittleMissPip/Flickr

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