Herman Cain’s Mustache Is Hurting His Campaign

herman cain mustache

There are many men who can pull off a mustache, but the look doesn't seem to be working too well for Herman Cain.

On Friday the Republican presidential candidate lost an official endorsement from one of his key supporters: The American Mustache Institute. Now, I'm sure you're going to scoff and deny that such a group exists. But let me assure you that the AMI is very real, very powerful, and has one of the most lucrative and important jobs in Washington: to promote upper lip facial hair and ensure that mustachioed men rise to power. That's why the AMI got behind Herman Cain in the first place -- because he's the only candidate in the GOP that sports a 'stache. If elected he would be the first mustached American President of the United States since William Howard Taft!

So what did he do to piss them off?

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If you think Cain lost the endorsement because he's recently been at the center of an embarrassing and possibly campaign-derailing sex scandal, you wouldn't be completely off. In fact, the AMI chairman noted that he didn't want the good name of his organization "dragged through the mud over something that may or may not be true."

But there's a much more serious reason why Cain lost the crucial mustache vote: Quite frankly, his mustache just isn't "convincing" enough. According to insiders, true aficionados prefer a full, proud, bushy mustache. And Cain's thin, wispy, and, as they say in the business, "theater-quality" lip hair just doesn't make the grade. Plus, there's the whole issue of Cain rejecting AMI's proposal to allow mustached Americans to deduct $250 for the incidental costs for proper mustache maintenance. When is Cain going to start being a serious candidate already?

Cain's obviously had a tough week with the sexual harassment allegations against him, but I think this endorsement withdrawal is a much more devastating blow. Because, really, what does it say about the only man with facial hair in the race who, try as he might, can't get the facial hair vote? I think if Cain wants to play with the big boys, then it's time for a new, bushier look.

Do you think Herman Cain's mustache is of appropriate length?

 

Image via Eric Thayer/Getty Images

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