Police Should Set Up Sobriety Checks at All-Night Taco Bell Drive-Thrus

taco bell drive thruThe story I'm about to tell you totally sounds like a scene from a movie with Harold and Kumar in the title. Or maybe The Hangover. If they ever do use it in a movie, I can tell you which line will go down in wasted people comedy history:

"Sir, we requested your license, not a Crunchy Taco Supreme."

When 30-year-old Matthew Falkner of Palm City, Florida allegedly made the inebriated decision to go on a late-night food run, he couldn't have been thinking too clearly ... but at least he was thinking outside the bun!

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In classic hammered-but-hungry person fashion, Falkner reportedly jumped in his truck and took off in the direction of the nearest Taco Bell drive-thru. Obviously this was a very bad and dangerous thing to do. But don't worry, nobody gets hurt!

That's because, luckily, Falkner didn't pass out behind the wheel until after he got his food and his truck was parked -- oddly, still in the drive-thru line. Even more odd was the position he was in when he fell asleep: with his foot on the gas. So yes, to review, he apparently paid for his food, drove a few feet, parked his truck, and blacked out ... with his foot somehow pressing down on the gas pedal.

The drive-thru must have been pretty slow that night, because it wasn't other customers honking for Falkner to move that tipped off Taco Bell management, it was the smoke billowing from the truck's still-revving engine.

When the police got there, one of the officers literally had to lift Falkner's right foot off the gas pedal and turn the car off. But it gets better! With the truck quiet, the officer woke Falkner up and requested his I.D.

What did Falkner do? He cooperated, kinda. Or he tried to. I mean, he might have been meaning to grab his wallet when he reached into his bag and pulled out ... a taco. Which he then started eating.

According to the officer, when he reminded Falkner that he'd asked for his license, not a taco, Falkner started laughing and went wallet-fishing again.

And wouldn't you know it? Dude came up with another taco!

Taco, wallet, wallet, taco ... it's all the same man, right? It's not like I tried to give you a Gordita.

Okay, I don't know if Falkner really said that. I do know that somehow he managed to "step out of the vehicle" and that he was charged with a DUI. Oh, and that the police ended up having to put out his flaming engine with a fire extinguisher.

So, amusing though this anecdote may be, there is in fact much to be learned from Falkner's folly. Law enforcement, I'm talking to YOU ...

Nabbing drunk drivers at an all-night Taco Bell drive-thru = shooting fish in a barrel. The only people who go to Taco Bell drive-thrus are wasted people!!! Just set up a sobriety check at the exit.

Have you ever heard of anyone going to a Taco Bell drive-thru in the middle of the night sober?


Image via Mike Baird/Flickr

 

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