Mountain Lions Go Wild, Take Over Front Porch (VIDEO)

mountain lionI don't know what we did to piss off the animal kingdom, but they are really out to get us. It's like, sorry about those glaciers, animals, we're doing our best to re-freeze those for you. You know? God. All the wildlife out there needs to take a chill pill and relax because we can't have them keep popping up out of nowhere. Like for instance, these mountain lions that took over this woman's front porch near Pasadena, California. So rude.

These two big cats were just lounging around like it ain't no thang, like they're not capable of eating our pets and beheading our babies, like it's totally cool if they just hang out like they own the place. First the bear in a living room, then a deer attacks a woman, and now panthers are invading our lawns? Chill back, animals, chill back.


I don't know what kind of message these animals are trying to send, but I don't like it. A bear attacked a family in their living room for crying out loud! Their carpet is blood-stained and their bodies are all torn up. Then a buck gored a woman while she was jogging along the side of the road. It charged her and started piercing her neck and shoulders with his antlers, like the mean kid at the birthday party who pops the balloons with a fork. Animals have gone wild!

This mountain lion situation is just the latest in the string of beastly events of intimidation. Clearly their kingdom is upset about something, and I hope we fix whatever we've done wrong so that they stop acting out like this. The police were called in to shoo these kitties back into the wild because everyone knows that a porch is no place for a panther. I mean, they're not called Porch Lions, now are they?

The scariest thing I've ever seen on my porch was my parents making out. Oh and I saw a snake once, that was pretty traumatizing. I don't know what I'd do if I saw lions.

Anyway, these animals need to check themselves before they wreck themselves. Stop with all the wild behavior already, it's getting to be too much. If I read next that wolves are roaming NYC and that spiders have learned to open doors, I'm buying a weapon.

WATCH the mountain lions take over the woman's porch:

What do you think of all these wild animal stories?


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