Amish Thugs Steal Hair Off the Heads of Amish Neighbors

amish horse buggyI'm completely fascinated with the Amish community. Actually, I'm intrigued by any group of people whose entire way of living is dictated by religion, but the Amish are especially interesting because they live their lives according to such an unusual set of beliefs (horses and buggies instead of cars, suspenders instead of belts, candles instead of lightbulbs).

It stands to reason that even Amish crime would look nothing like our version of crime. But I was still surprised to hear about the gang of Amish thugs who's been breaking into other Amish people's homes with the intention of stealing one certain, very precious item ...

I know, I know: What is there to steal from an Amish person's house? Perhaps a lovely needlepoint pillow. Or a jar of apple butter?

Nope! Even better ...

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A group of Amish men has been roaming the countryside, busting into houses and forcibly cutting people's hair. And then running away with it! It's like a barbershop quartet's take on a home invasion!

The thieves are still at large, so we don't know why, exactly, they're stealing hair and/or what they plan to do with it. Go into the wig-making business? Become Lindsay Lohan's exclusive extension supplier?

No, we don't know why for certain, but I do have a theory regarding motive. See, Amish men are required to grow their beards after marriage; similarly, Amish women aren't allowed to cut their hair after marriage. And the thieves have been slashing off men's beards and chopping off women's braids.

I don't know about you, but I'm thinking major Amish uprising! Revolt! Maybe on their next crime spree, these guys will tie their neighbors down, tape their eyelids open, and force them to watch Jersey Shore! (It's like Rumspringa all the time!)

Either that, or they just wanted to steal something and hair is the most valuable item in the average Amish home. No, please! Take my suspenders! Anything but the beard!

Whatever the real story is, one thing I know for sure: We need a reality show about the Amish!! Asap!

Why do you think the Amish thieves are stealing hair?

 

Image via Ted Van Pelt/Flickr

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