Woman's Giant Fake Boobs Save Her From Stabbing

fake boobsYou know when you see those women with HUGE fake boobs -- like, ridiculous fake boobs -- and you can't help but stare and, well, secretly judge? Well, you (we) might want to reserve prejudices next time, because those bad boys are not atop women's chests strictly for dudes' viewing pleasure. They're actually a suit of armor. Just in a really pretty form.

A Moscow woman was stabbed in the heart -- literally -- by her husband. And she's living to tell about it, because the knife got stuck in her silicone breast implant. It "didn't even reach her thorax," guys! You hear that? Fake tatas save lives!

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The woman's breasts, which were inserted five years earlier -- in a twist of irony, at the request of her husband -- were so large that she was able to walk away unscathed. Well, correction, she didn't walk away totally unscathed -- she was stabbed -- but she's fine. In fact, she's so fine that she already had her busted boob replaced with a new one. Jokes on you, stabby husband!

I think the moral of the story here is -- there needs to be more breast implants in the world. They're like permanent bullet-proof vests. Well, maybe not bullet-proof -- but permanent stab-proof vests. No more worrying about walking around alone in sketchy areas at night. Unless, you know, your attacker goes for your face -- but, hey, maybe we can get some sort of face implants, too? Or I wonder if enough collagen would be able to fend off a knife. I don't know, I'm just spitballing here. Bottom line, plastic surgery isn't only for vanity. It's for our safety.

Are you going to get a boob job now?

 

Image via craigfinlay/Flickr

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