Man Hires Friend to Drive Over His Girlfriend

bearHis original plan.We've all been around long enough to hear of a crazy murder plot or two in our day. But nothing -- and seriously, guys, I mean nothing -- compares to Clyde Gardner's plan to find a bear. Kill a bear. Skin the bear. Wear the bear's pelt. Wait for his ex-girlfriend to take out her trash. Then attack her, using the bear's claws to maul her to death, thus making it look like a run-of-the-mill bear attack. He even had plans to wear the bear's paws on his feet, as not to leave any human footprints.

But, yeah, for some reason he ditched that stroke of genius and opted for something else. Something else that, obviously, got him caught.

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When he realized that the whole "skinning a bear and wearing its bloody coat" thing might be a little tough to pull off, Clyde went the old-fashioned way. He asked a buddy to kill his horrible ex in a car crash, giving explicit directions on how to do so, as well as $500 of an eventual $15,000 payment. He even had a back-up plan for his back-up plan. Clyde instructed his friend to take a shard of glass and slit his ex's throat if for some reason she emerged from the crash unscathed. But, as luck would have it, his stupid friend backed out, opting to turn Clyde into the police instead. The 57-year-old former demolition derby driver now has 5 to 15 years in prison on the count of a murder-for-hire plot.

Personally, I think Mr. Gardner should be doing life on the count of being the biggest moron in the world. Who thinks of something so not only ... gross, but idiotic? Did Clyde think about the possibility of his ex -- or a neighbor -- shooting the "bear" as it ran (strolled?) off? And you never, ever ask a friend to kill your ex. That's Murder 101. They'll always turn you into the police. Unless they're as dumb as you. Which, thankfully, in this case, they weren't.

How big of an idiot is Clyde Gardner?

 

Image via alisdair/Flickr

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