Andy Rooney's Top 8 Quotes to Live By

andy rooneyAndy Rooney, the 92-year-old culture essayist and television writer, will film his final 60 Minutes this Sunday. Rooney has been with the show since 1978 and will retire this weekend after being with CBS for over 33 years. We don't know yet who will fill Rooney's time slot at the end of the venerable news magazine show, but it will be almost impossible to find someone as curmudgeonly and out of touch as dear old Andy, which may or may not be a good thing. The last few minutes of 60 Minutes were always quite funny -- especially when the nonagenarian would try to figure out subjects like Lady Gaga -- and often they were a little bit heartwarming.

Because, after all, you can't help but feel a swell of emotion in your chest when the oldest dude you've ever seen is commenting on everything from breast implants to baseball to vegetarianism with the confidence and authority of someone who actually knows what they're talking about. But that's why we love him, no?

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He's like America's grandpa, if America's grandpa is white with super hairy ears and the work ethic of a loyal border collie. Andy just hasn't stopped, until now, and we'll miss some of his irreverent remarks on a nation's culture he no longer understands nor accepts. I mean, during one episode back in 2008, I do believe the man recommended I take dinner rolls from restaurants to save money. They're good for breakfast the next day, he told me, and the restaurant was just going to throw them out anyway. Thanks, Andy. Thanks.

I know after that gem you're wondering what other keen advice you've missed from Andy. Fear not. Lemme catch you up to speed with some great tips from the man himself from 1978 to the present. Some are poignant, some are obvious, but each is so Andy.

  1. On eating better: Vegetarian -- that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
  2. On not accepting change: If I'm such an average American, how come I've never heard of any of the musical groups that millions of other Americans apparently are listening to? The singers I know have been replaced by Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, and Usher. I mean, who?
  3. On inflation: When I was a kid, my mother bought a box of cornflakes like this for about 15 cents. Now a box costs more than $4, and for fewer flakes too, probably.
  4. On how to screw the man: The Super Bowl isn't for kids. I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game, I can put it on my expense account.
  5. On cursing: Obscenities ... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart -- want to be just one of the boys.
  6. On doing something with your life: Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
  7. On simple pleasures: One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day. Don't clean it up too quickly.
  8. And finally, on surviving the recession: When I go to a good restaurant here in New York for dinner, I often slip a roll in my pocket for breakfast the next morning. Taking a roll at a restaurant, that's not stealing, is it?

Thanks for the laughs and the occasionally solid advice, Andy!

Will you miss Andy Rooney on 60 Minutes?

 

Photo via cbs.com

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