Terrifying Piranha Attack Hospitalizes 100 Swimmers

piranhaPiranha overpopulation situation -- have you ever heard a more terrifying, rhyming phrase? Me neither. Unfortunately, a small coastal town in northeast Brazil is dealing with an influx of the biting fishies as over 100 people were hospitalized this weekend after piranhas bit the shit out of their feet when they swam in the water. I wish I was joking.

The bug-eyed, frenzied little monsters were famished and feasting on the foot flesh of any foe who dared frolic in the water. But it's cool. Local authorities have a plan.

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The town officials near Jose de Freitas in the Brazilian province Piaui say this is the worst piranha attack they've seen (um, thank god?) and they need to act fast. Since the fierce fish have no natural predators, it's not like they can get rid of them that way, so they're taking a softer approach. They're feeding the poor things.

Their assumption is that the piranhas are hungry, given that they're now eating humans by the truck load, and are just in need of some food. Authorities plan on flooding the coastal waters with deliciously mild tilapia to offer more variety to the piranhas' food chain so that they stop munching on human heels and toes.

Anyone else expect to hear a story in about three weeks about a northeast beach in Brazil being plagued by bloody tilapia corpses washing up on shore?

I guess it's better than the alternative. A piranha attack seems horrendous for so many reasons. I would be more than confused if I looked down at my feet and saw a fish gnawing away, my red blood dyeing the water as I let out a blood curdling scream a la Nancy Kerrigan. "Why?! Why me?!" I'd then assume I was dreaming and that Morgan Freeman was about to show up and tell me he's god and ask me to repent for my sins, or the fish would eat me alive. It would have to be some sort of nightmare, because piranha attacks don't happen in real life.

Except that they do. Except that they DO.

Has your toe ever been bitten off by a piranha?

 

Photo via sweetie187/Flickr

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