Google Phobia Shows Rick Santorum Isn't Man Enough to Be President

rick santorumRick Santorum is at it again. This time he's not hating the gays or preaching bigotry, no no, he's got bigger fish to fry. Huge fish, in fact. The former Pennsylvanian Senator and Republican presidential "candidate" (like, who does he think he's kidding) has allegedly contacted Google to get them to revise the results that pop up whenever you search for his name. His problem with the Google results dates back to early this year, but it's now that he's trying to do something about it.

Have you forgotten what comes up when you Google "Rick Santorum"? Oh my. You're in for a treat.


The first result (after today's news boxes about Rick Santorum hating the Google search results) is a website that defines "Santorum" as:

The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex.

It was coined by funny-man Dan Savage back in 2003 to combat and poke fun of Rick's views on homosexuality. But enough is enough for Rick. After eight years of putting up with this crap, Santorum put on his thinking cap and thought real, real hard about how to change what's on the Internet.

Instead of contacting the webmaster or the page's creators like any half-brained human might have done, Santorum went right to Google. Good thinking, Rick! He told Politico that he thinks if there was any slander on the web about Biden, Google would've taken it down, and so they should help him out, too. Does Santorum even understand how the Internet works? Pretty sure Mr. Google isn't at his desk, picking and choosing what goes on the web with a liberal agenda. There's a lot of nasty stuff on the web about Obama and Biden, too. (As CNN points out, Google didn't change the racist results that popped up about Michelle Obama in 2009.)

And listen. Let's for a second pretend Santorum actually has a shot at being elected -- wouldn't one assume that when one's president, one's going to have deal with bigger concerns than lewd Google search results? Political cartoons, effigies, the non-stop criticism are par for the course for any president. Then there's the whole "running the country" thing -- that can get kinda hairy. War room isn't exactly the nicest place to be.

So if poor wittle Wick can't handle a poor wittle joke, then he should wun home and stop bothering people with his absurd "candidacy."

Do you think Google should alter the search results?


Photo via vharjadhi/Flickr

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