Real-Life Vampire Attack at Hooters Sucks the Fun Out of 'True Blood'

Vampire Josephine SmithAmerica, it's time we face it. This vampire mania has gotten a wee bit out of hand. I mean, I love True Blood as much as the next devotee of the marvel that is Alexander Skarsgard without a shirt on, but when vampires are attacking lonely old men at Hooters, I say bring on the zombies. At least they're not real. Yet.

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OK, OK, before you start sharpening your wooden stakes and load up on garlic pills, the "vampire" in Florida wasn't real in dictionary terms. A woman named Josephine Smith just CLAIMED she was a vampire. The 22-year-old was out of True Blood her ever-loving mind when she allegedly went all Bill or Eric (take your pick) on Milton Ellis, a geriatric in a wheelchair who was napping on the porch of the vacant wing joint in St. Petersburg, Florida.

After announcing she was a vampire (first clue that she wasn't: hello, didn't she read Twilight? The Cullens don't want people to KNOW there be fangs in there!), police say Smith bit the old man's face and neck, ripping off chunks of skin. It sounds kind of ... gruesome. Or like the entire first season of True Blood.

Anyhoo, Smith claims she doesn't remember the incident and doesn't know how she ended up both covered in blood and missing half her clothes. She has been charged for aggravated battery on an elderly person, and folks in Pinellas County, Florida have to hope that she doesn't make bail after sundown.

I jest because I've got the heebie jeebies here folks. She's obviously got some issues. She's not the typical American who picks up a bottle of Vampire wine (it's real, found it in the store just yesterday), reads the Sookie Stackhouse books, and can't wait to see Breaking Dawn Part 1. I can tell you that because I fit the above description, and I haven't bitten anyone since I was 2. And just the thought of giving blood turns my stomach; drinking it would be enough to send me for a barf bag.

But sadly, she's not alone. Teens are biting each other as "foreplay" and to cover hickies. A Texas man claiming to be a 500-year-old vampire forced his way into a woman's apartment last month and feasted on her neck. Vamps might not be real, but the danger of crazy humans acting like them is.

If people are going to take this trend in pop culture so seriously they're going to make going out at night unsafe for the rest of us, I'll give it all up. Right now. I'll accept that they ruined it for the rest of us. Just let me get a copy of Tea Party Zombies Must Die so I can start practicing for the next danger on the horizon.

Are you a fan of the vampire mania? Do you think people take it too seriously?


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