Casey Anthony Escapes to Luxury Beach Resort ... on the Moon!

moon beachToday I had an epiphany about Casey Anthony. Seriously, an epiphany! No, she didn't telepathically confess her crime to me, and no, I didn't suddenly figure out her motive/particular brand of crazy. But I totally know what the future holds for Anthony -- and for us!

Confused? I'll back up. In case you haven't heard, the latest news on Anthony is that she's planning to move to an exclusive Mexican beach villa owned by a sugar daddy (of course she has one!) from California, who apparently began romancing Anthony when she was still "on the inside" and has already given her $200,000 toward a fresh start.

As it is only accessible by plane, this luxury cottage-by-the-sea is the perfect place for a widely-loathed public figure to escape those pesky death threats that won't stop coming!

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I know what you're thinking: What kind of nutzoid, half-baked ... but wait! Here's where I had the aforementioned epiphany. The closer Anthony gets to attaining legendary outlaw status, the more whacked-out theories we're going to hear about where she is or what she's doing. What fun! This is the stuff of tabloid headline gold!

Casey Anthony could turn up anywhere, doing anything! Especially because no one has any real sympathy for the woman, so no one is going to feel the slightest bit guilty about spreading rumors that she's being kept as a sex slave by a colony of highly-intelligent orangutans. (Except for those of us who respect and admire orangutans.)

Here are 5 Wacky Casey Anthony Headlines I Would Love to See:

Casey Anthony Found Flipping Burgers on the Moon! Says moon really is made of cheese ... burgers, that is!

Casey Anthony Owns World's Only Time Machine! Responsible for assassinations of Lincoln and Kennedy!

Casey Anthony Busted for Running Harem ... on Jupiter! Exclusive interview excerpt: "Aliens do it better."

Casey Anthony Elopes With Bigfoot! Says "Sasquatch understands my pain."

Shocking Pix: "Casey Anthony appeared to me on a piece of toast!"

What do you see happening in Casey Anthony's future?

 

Image via Janne Hellsten/Flickr

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