Airport Security Just Got Lax -- Yippee!

shoesWell, if this isn't the best piece of airplane gossip since Gerard Depardieu peed in the aisle of an Air France flight, I don't know what is. Looks like we're going to be able to keep our shoes on while going through airport security again, guys! Woo-hoo! Peasants rejoice! The terrorists have not, in fact, won!

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano told Politico Tuesday, "We are moving towards an intelligence and risk-based approach to how we screen. I think one of the first things you will see over time is the ability to keep your shoes on."

Is this not one of the most uplifting pieces of news you've heard today? And are you now wondering, "What's the deal with bringing liquids on board?"


Unfortunately, as far at the 4-oz.-everything-in-a-Ziplock bag rule -- well, that's not going anywhere any time soon. According to Napolitano, "One of the last things you will [see] is the reduction or limitation on liquids.” Boo. Until that happens -- or until Kate Somerville comes out with a trial size Gentle Facial Cleanser -- looks like it's checking bags (and paying $25) for me. But, baby steps, right? Not having to take our shoes off is huge.

For one, there's no more touching our bare feet to the nasty-ass airport floor. Freshly showered body parts on the JFK linoleum? No thanks. Then there's the whole not having to look at/smell other people's hooves. Really, who likes that? And finally there's no more bunching up like a crowd of lunatics at the end of the conveyor belt thing, so we can all strap on and lace up our footwear. It's going to make flying so much more enjoyable.

It's hard to believe that there was actually a time when we didn't have to do all this. That we could just roll up to our gate (with a friend who wasn't even flying, if we so chose!), bottle of water in hand, a huge suitcase filled with liquids, nail files, knives, whatever, and hop on board with nary an article of clothing ever having been removed. And if you wanna talk really old school, we could then light up a cig after we boarded the plane.

Hopefully, once this whole not-having-to-take-our-shoes-off thing falls into place, some of the other stuff will follow suit. Except for the whole smoking thing. That's disgusting and I can't believe it was ever allowed.

Are you pumped to keep your shoes on while going through airport security?


Image via Samira Khan/Flickr

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