10 Birthday Gifts Barack Obama Could Really Use

President Barack ObamaWell, President Obama has gone and done it. He's dared to have a birthday while the economy is in the crapper. Indeed our prez is nifty 50 today, and the conservatives are hootin' and hollerin' about how he's partying like a rockstar when he should be working on fixing everything instead of blowing out candles.

Poor guy's stuck taking the rap for something his mom and dad scheduled oh 50 years and nine months ago, but hey, it's not all bad. We've come up with some gifts worthy of the current White House occupant to help him with the transition from 49 to "over the hill":


1. Mitt Romney stepping out of the election. He's topping the Republicans in the polls, so this would be a pretty sweet send-up. And it's the most unlikely on the list. But you have to start somewhere. Just ask Congress.

2. A Michele Bachmann doll plus a set of pins!

3. His own campaign bus. What's that Fox watchers? Obama's campaign tour is being paid for by taxpayers? Not anymore!

4. An Obama Bobble Head. No more neck pain when he's kissing Boehner's butt -- he can let this little gem do the nodding for him!

5. A gun. What better way to prove he's not actually trying to wrest the arms from every God fearin 'merican than taking a little target practice with his pistol? (May also include Sarah Palin-shaped target.)

6. A see-through piggy bank. One penny. Two pennies. Three pennies. Four!

7. A long-form birthday card. Perhaps one of these will be big enough to fit the facts.

8. An Easy Button. Staring at that red button for the past 2 1/2 years, not being able to actually touch it, must be hell on a man. Here's his chance to finally mash on one of those suckers.

9. Angry Birds -- Deficit Spending Edition. He can hurl Medicare vouchers at caged Republicans to blow off steam!

10. Redneck Dictionary. A must-read before he hits the heartland, he can tone down his Washington-ese with some homespun Joe Sixpack-type talk.

Are you celebrating the president's 50th? What would you give him?


Image via The White House

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