Sweet Grandma Beats Naked Burglar With Baseball Bat

Question: Is there anything more awesome than bad ass grandmas? Answer: No. Which is why I present to you the 70-year-old nana who kicked a naked dude's ass.

Here's how it all went down: Lauren Collins, a sweet little granny in New Hampshire, who surely had a cherry pie cooling on her windowsill, awoke Sunday morning to some rustling outside her bedroom door. She stepped outside to see what the ruckus was when, lo and behold, she found a completely naked man standing before her.

Not wanting to wake her family, she politely asked him to leave. To which he said no. To which she got out a baseball bat and starting beating him until he left.

And that's not even the crazy part of the story. You'll never guess what the nude dude was doing before standing outside her bedroom door.


He was making a sandwich in her kitchen! What kind of burglar does that? Oh, I'm just gonna bust into this here house, drop trou, and fix myself a turkey and swiss on rye. Although, I've gotta say, to me, that's much more creepy than just breaking in and robbing the joint. It's so much more personal. It's like he was making her home his. Ick, gives me the willies just thinking about it.

But this isn't about me. It's about Ms. Collins, who happens to be one of the baddest of bad ass grannies yet. I would never have been able to do what she did, and I curtsy my Sunday dress to her.

Also, she scares the bejeezus out of me. Not only did she hurt the dirtbag's arm, she leaves this cryptic message for him:

What happened to him the first time, that was nothing compared to what I’ll do to him the second time. That’s not a promise, that’s a threat.

You better watch your back, naked sandwich maker, granny's got her eye on you. And she ain't messin' around. But you should already know that, right?

How awesome is this grandma?

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