New TSA Scanners Won't Show You Naked, But Still Stink

TSA New Scanner ImageHooray! The TSA is saying bye bye to the so-called naked scanners! No more TSA agents getting a thrill over my lumpy thighs and non-existent chest! They'll have to make do with generic body outlines and highlights where "anomalies" show something that shouldn't be there. So we can all expect to get through the airports a heckuva lot faster from here on out, right? Not so fast!


The new scanners aren't "new" so much as upgraded, with software plugged into the old milimeter wave and backscatter (aka, radiation-emitting) scanners. And when the scanner shows something is off, the agents are still going to move in for some additional scanning, with their hands. In other words ... bring on the "don't touch my junk," "agent groping," screaming, ranting airline passengers. The "new" TSA screening process still holds on to 90 percent of what makes them hold up the line for rational passengers who just want to get to their vacation destination.

The threat of a "grope" -- because we all know that there's nothing them there agents love more than putting their hands between the legs of a 270-pound woman dripping in sweat after her run through the airport. And of course, the radiation. Which is, of course, less than the effects of a cellphone ... which 91 percent of Americans won't leave home without. But dang it, those meanies at the TSA are expecting you walk through it to board an airplane (where, ahem, scientists estimate that you'll double your radiation exposure for the day just by flying at high altitudes).

And yet, the mere actions of the TSA belie the image of the traveler-hating, overbearing government agency that these newsmakers and their supporters have created. The first descriptor the agency's press release for the new, improved advanced imaging technology scanners is that it "enhances privacy." Pretty passenger-centric, huh?

Do you see the new scanners making people happy? Or should we expect more of the same?


Image via TSA

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