Turkeys Seeking Pardon Blackmail Obama

turkeysDear Mr. President:

As you know Thanksgiving Day is upon us. This is a day that we knew would come but that we've been dreading all year as it means we about to face our inevitable fate -- being dinner. Unless ...

You should know that we are civilized turkeys, but in order to be taken seriously, we have to stand to our terms.

In short, we request that you bestow onto us the very same life-saving turkey pardon (and subsequent all-expense paid vacation to George Washington's Mount Vernon estate) that Apple and Cider received.

If you fail to comply, we will have to initiate the next step, which is releasing the following incriminating photos to the public.



Exhibit A: Photographic evidence of you wearing gawd-awful mom jeans during a baseball game.

obama throwing pitch


Exhibit B: Proof that you associate with hellions and miscreants of society.

obama and michael salahi


Exhibit C: Confirmation of a sinful habit.

obama smokes

Exhibit D: Verification that you should never, ever dance.

Surely, you prefer to save the lives of two innocent turkeys rather than have these embarrassing photos go public.

We hope you take this seriously, we have nothing to lose.


Orange and Juice

Do you think Obama should pardon Orange and Juice?


Images via eye of einstein/Flickr; Jamie Squire/Getty; Getty Images News; YouTube.com

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