Hurricane Earl Is an Anti-Feminist, Chauvinist Pig

hurricaneNaming hurricanes is a funny thing ... when you consider that some of the names themselves are funny attached to something so ominous and destructive. Yet consider some of the names we've had already this year: Sunshiny happy Bonnie. Debutante Danielle. Prep school Alex.

And of course, the most recent, Down-on-the-farm Earl, who as we speak is fizzling to a Category 1 hurricane with a warning now only still in effect for Cape Cod, Martha's Vineyard and Nantucket, leaving most East Coasters' Labor Day Plans in tact.

I used to think that weather trackers gave these storms mild or even wimpy names as a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy wish -- so they won't live up to their monikers and will spare major damage and injuries. But that's not the real reason at all.


Storm watchers began naming hurricanes and tropical storms back in 1953, after an old military identification system. Since more than one storm can develop and strike at one given time, naming storms after people became a good way to avoid confusion and relay details about the storms more accurately.

At first, the storms were only given female names -- in the same manner that an Australian meteorologist named tropical storms before the end of the 19th century. I'm guess that was because, you know, storms are moody and unpredictable, just like women, especially when they are having their period.

So all those chauvinist MEN meteorologists of the 50s, 60s and early 70s continued to perpetuate this grave attack on women until ... 1979, when the feminists said enough is enough and pressured the World Meteorological Organization, the UN agency that was given the naming job, to incorporate boy names. Because, you know, women-only hurricane names is just so insulting and throws women's rights backward thousands of years.

Honestly, between all that sarcasm, I'm only guessing that's the argument behind pressuring the WMO to include names of both genders. After all, that's what feminists love to do -- make an issue out of nothing.

I consider it an honor to have the same name as a hurricane -- Hurricane Cindy -- who was on the rotation list a few years back. Hurricanes may be unpredictable but they are also powerful, steady, deliberate, and spectacular -- all pretty fantastic pro-woman qualities if I do say so myself.

If I had my way, I kick all the Ottos, Marcos, Nates and Victors out of this private club and tell them to go get their own storms. And not only that, make them pay even MORE than we do to belong. Oh wait. I'm confusing this with Ladies Night, which was recently ruled non-discriminatory in New York City. Sorry, my mistake.

Do you consider naming hurricanes exclusively after women anti-feminist?


Image via Ani Carrington/Flickr

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