Mom Feels 'Violated' When Babysitter Quit After She Read Private Messages Between Her & Her Husband

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woman reading text messages; kids in the background
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Finding a babysitter isn't as easy as it might sound, and when a parent does find one, there is a lot of trust that's placed on them. They're the ones looking after our most loved things – our kids -- and there are so many things that could go wrong in that situation. Often babysitters are tasked with some cooking and tidying up, some help the kids with their homework, and they take place of parents while they're out working or doing their own thing for a few hours. So, when we find someone who is responsible, reliable, and basically becomes like another member of the family, it's hard to see them go.

  • One mom took to Reddit to ask advice about something that happened with her babysitter that ended with the babysitter abruptly quitting.

    A stressed mom (OP) took to the AITA community on Reddit to ask the group for its opinion on a situation that happened between herself and the woman she hired to care for her kids while she's at work.

    "I have a babysitter who watches my two young girls while me and my husband go to work," the mom started her post. "She brings her daughter with her. She's always been great."

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  • Then something happened, and it changed everything for her.

    "One day, she was about 10 minutes late which made me late for work," the mom shared. She understood that things happen and didn't make a big deal about it. "It's fine because it hasn't happened before, and she apologized, and I thought we were all good."

    But apparently it wasn't all good -- and something happened the next day that put a wrench in the plans even further, leaving OP scratching her head.

    "A day later, she lets me know that she had been helping my daughter on her iPad and some texts popped up between me and my husband," OP wrote.

  • In the text, the mom was doing something that isn't unusual for couples -- she complained that she was late because the babysitter was late. 

    "Well, she kept reading and read all our texts for the past month. I had also complained to him once that our babysitter had eaten all our Oreos. It was just funny banter, and I got over it quickly but I was still whining," she continued. "I would have never said anything to her about it."

    The mom wrote that the babysitter sent her a text the night before she was going to watch her kids. The text said the babysitter "was quitting because of those texts."

    "She was really hurt I would complain about her to him. I feel horrible but also violated that she read all our texts," OP explained.

  • The mom was shocked by the situation -- both that her texts were read and that the babysitter quit.


    "I apologized for what I said but I still feel sad about it all," OP admitted before asking the Reddit community if she was wrong in this situation. 

    OP was not the a--hole in this situation, one person insisted. "You have the right to vent in private to your husband. You forgave her, but that doesn't mean it didn't affect your day. She violated your privacy. AND she had to go back a month before finding anything else about her. If you text with any frequency, that's a lot of personal texts for her to have gone though. Any hurt she feels is her own fault."

    The person added this: "I would have fired her for reading through the texts. Seeing the one that popped up is one thing. Looking back through is another altogether."

    "NTA," a second person agreed. "Reading texts that pop up is one thing, but the next step is to immediately tell the parents that those texts are popping up and the next step is to NOT VIOLATE SOMEONE'S PRIVACY BY READING TEXTS GOING BACK AN ENTIRE MONTH. Babysitter was unprofessional by doing that and you're better off securing your electronics and hiring someone else."

  • Reading through the comments, the vast majority agreed the mom was not in the wrong.

    "NTA," another person commented. "This babysitter violated your privacy and took it upon herself to read all of those messages. That is inexcusable and majorly creepy. I wouldn't want her back regardless of how good she was with your kids. You are allowed to vent to your husband as well."

    "NTA," wrote another person. "Those were private messages between you and your husband. She can quit for any reason she wants I guess but to quit over private messages she only found cause she was snooping is bad form."

    Someone else shared that a similar thing happened when they were babysitting, but they handled it much differently.

    "This happened to me once!" another commenter explained. "I quickly texted the parents 'Hey just FYI all your texts are showing up on the screen at home. Might want to change the settings.' Nothing inappropriate. But it's super obvious when a text shows up on an ipad that the babysitter is TA for not saying anything."