Mom Suggested Son 'Find Another Wife' With a 'Working Reproductive System' After He Asked for IVF Money


woman holding pregnancy test sad, man comforting her

Trying to get pregnant is stressful when it isn't working as quickly as you want. Add in known infertility struggles and realizing that you have to turn to doctors to help the process along the way, it's not easy. One hopeful dad and mom had been trying for a while, and after a visit to the doctor, they were told they'd need to look into IVF, which is really expensive.

  • A hopeful dad (OP) hit up Reddit's AITA forum to share the story of his struggle to become a parent and turning to his mom for some help. 

    It didn't go quite as he had hoped, and he's looking for advice on if cutting off his mom is the right thing to do. He said he and his wife have been trying to get pregnant for a year, but have not had any luck. "So my wife made an appointment with her doctor and found out that there's a 99.9% chance that she'll not be able to conceive naturally and that IVF is our best and only real option," he wrote.

    "So we started looking into the cost of that, and we cannot swing it with our own money, we just bought a house together. We don't have any extra spending money, though we both have great jobs."

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  • OP went to his mom to ask if she could help pay for IVF because she did the same for his sisters when they struggled. 

    "So I decided I'd go to my mother and ask her if she would pay for it or loan us the money because she paid for my older sister to have IVF done 2 years ago. She laughed in my face," OP wrote. "Told me she only paid for my sisters because that's her real daughter and that my girlfriend should ask her mom (she knows she passed away, she was being a smart ass)." He then wrote, "She suggested I find another wife that has a 'working reproductive system.'"

  • OP says that his parents would financially be able to help, but he believes their refusal is something deeper

    "Keep in mind, my parents are very wealthy people," OP said. "I know they can afford it and it wouldn't make a dent in their wallet. They just don't want to help us. She's always had some personal vendetta against my wife (dare I say it's because she's not fully white?)."

    He added, "So I told them I was done with them, that the comments they made were disgusting and that they SHOULD be treating my wife like she's their daughter. That this is for me as well and that it's bulls--t."

  • OP says that his other family members and even friends are blaming OP for being the one in the wrong.

    "Family friends are now siding with my parents, saying that they understand why she'd pay for my sisters IVF but not mine and my wife's," he explained. "AITA for cutting them off for refusing to help us when they helped my sister?"

  • People chimed in with support on both sides of the argument.

    People were conflicted in the comment section, with some posting that OP shouldn't have kids if they can't afford them, with others pointing out that IVF is expensive, and people rarely have that saved up for just in case.

    "I don't see how this would be different from your parents paying off your sibling's student loan and them refusing to do the same for you," one commenter wrote.

    Another commented, "NTA. making fun of someone for reproductive issues: big bad. making fun of someone for not having a mom: big bad. inequality between what you give your children: big bad. NTA i suggest you find a way that will make them seriously regret their treatment of you and your wife."

    "Your mother sounds horrible... This isn't the only reason you're cutting her off," another person wrote. "The way you describe it makes it seem like she's racist, and generally fairly heartless. Snide remarks about dead parents aren't funny. Telling you to find a wife with a  'working reproductive system' is abhorrent. Regardless of paying for IVF or not, if your mother is how you describe her, then cutting off her toxicity seems best."

    "You can ask, but your mom is under no obligation to pay, despite it 'not making a dent' in her finances," another comment said. "Yet that doesn't justify her attitude towards your wife and such."