Pregnant Woman Wants to Give Up Twins -- Despite Ex Begging To Raise Them Together

Twenty20/mariana_mora95

Newborn twins
Twenty20/mariana_mora95

Giving up your child for adoption is a difficult decision for anyone to make, but when both biological parents don't agree that it's the right choice, it can be truly heart-wrenching. This is exactly the tough position one woman is facing after becoming unexpectedly pregnant with twins with someone she's not in a relationship with. Although she believes strongly they should give the children to a loving family, their biological father is making a push for both of them to keep the babies. Now, she's taken to Reddit to ask: Is she wrong for not wanting the babies -- or for him to be part of her pregnancy journey at all?

  • In her candid post, the woman said that she knows in her heart she shouldn't keep the babies, and has a variety of reasons for choosing adoption.

    Although she originally was contemplating an abortion, she ultimately decided to go through with the pregnancy. But now, because her twins' father wants to keep them, she's decided to simply relinquish her parental rights instead of giving up the children for adoption.

    "I made it clear to him that I will move away once they’re born and want to know nothing about them, sign away my rights, etc," she added. 

    Even though it seemed the father was OK with that arrangement, recently he's been making comments that are giving her serious doubts.

    "In my last [doctor's] appointment he wanted to come, and I agreed, though I said I didn’t want to find out their gender," she explained. "He asked if HE alone could find out and he wouldn’t tell me." 

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  • The woman agreed to let the father learn the gender of their twins, but it was what he did after the appointment that got her royally ticked.

    "Little bit later and he already let me slip what they are, which has made me incredibly upset," she wrote. "He says he didn’t do it on purpose but I don’t believe him. (He wants me be to be their mom.)"

    The woman told him that he's now banned from going to appointments with her, as she "would prefer to see him as less as possible until they’re born. 

    "He thinks I’m completely overreacting and as he will be their only parent, he should be there ‘so at least one person who cares about them is there,'" she wrote. "He wants to be as involved as possible now."

    So there's the problem: Is she wrong for banning him from appointments because she wants to see him as little as possible, even if it means she's taking this experience away from him? It seems the internet is thoroughly split.

  • Some people think she was actually being quite selfless for going through with the pregnancy in the first place.


    "Contrary to the people accusing you of selfishness, what you are doing is actually very selfless," wrote one person. "You are bearing these kids so that he can have them and raise them. I would tell him to back off."

    "You’re acting very selflessly by essentially being a surrogate for him, and he’s pushing your boundaries, pretty clearly trying to convince you to parent with him," another person added. "You mentioned you have trouble being assertive, but you need to shut that [expletive] down. You’ve both made your decisions clear, but he doesn’t seem to want to let you go through with yours."

    "They're his children, but it’s your pregnancy," a third person told her.

  • But other people thought she was wrong for not letting the dad be a part of the process.


    "I think you're being callus for no reason other to want to make him miserable like you feel," one commenter wrote. "You don't want the babies, and the father wants them. He wants to enjoy them, and you don't. Most people want to enjoy their children being born."

    "He's the father, he's going to be raising them," another person added. "And you don't just get to sign away your rights, fathers have been asking for that option for decades, it works both ways."

    "Those kids will be lucky to have a dad who wants them so badly," another pointed out. "You’re keeping him from seeing their development. It takes two people to make kids, you (expletive) up now are cowering away from the responsibility? He’s not, let the man see the ultrasounds."

  • The Reddit poster later felt compelled to defend herself against some of the harsher accusations made in the comments.

    For one thing, she said that she's not walking away from all of her parental responsibilities.

    "I’m willing to pay child support as much as I can (being not that financially stable myself), honestly," she wrote. "I just don’t want to/can’t be a mom." 

    She also has some ground rules for the delivery that she doesn't think are so demanding, considering the couple are not in a relationship.

    "I absolutely don’t want him in the delivery room," she explained, "as it’s already stressing me out so much. He can see them IMMEDIATELY after, but I don’t want him there."

    And lastly, she's suddenly questioning a lot of his motives, after he "slipped" about the babies' gender, even though she asked him not to, and thinks he wants her to be their mother, even though she has said she doesn't want to raise them.

    The bottom line? "He just makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable," she wrote, which is likely why this whole parental rights thing has become an issue. 

    Here's hoping both people get what they want from this arrangement -- and that the two babies at the center of it ultimately wind up in a loving environment.

adoption