This New Mom Is 'Tired as Hell' & Her Husband Better Listen Up STAT

Tired mom
Celeste Erlach - The Ultimate Mom Challenge/Facebook

To the husbands out there who are working, adjusting to life with a newborn, and dealing with their recovering wife, let this be a reminder: No matter what you're doing, it's still nothing compared to what she's doing. With a new baby and a toddler, Celeste Erlach only needed one thing from her husband, and she decided to ask for it (instead of hoping he could read her mind, and then silently resenting him when he didn't). So, she perfectly spelled it out for him in the best possible way -- and her words should be required reading for all new dads.


"Dear Husband, I. Need. More. Help," she shared with Breastfeeding Mama Talk's Facebook page. After an incredibly long day, Erlach explained that she asked her husband to watch the baby so she could go to bed early before having to get up again to breastfeed. "The baby was crying. Wailing, really. I could hear him from upstairs and my stomach knotted from the sound, wondering if I should come down there and relieve you or just shut the door so I could get some desperately needed sleep," she wrote. "I chose the latter."

In this moment, Erlach prioritized self-care, knowing that her husband is perfectly capable of caring for their crying child. So she pushed the guilt aside and tried to take the important step of putting herself first by sleeping for an hour. But that wasn't an option, because 20 minutes later, her husband came into the bedroom with their still hysterical baby.

Tired mom
Celeste Erlach - The Ultimate Mom Challenge/Facebook

"You placed the baby in the bassinet and gently pushed the bassinet just a few inches closer to my side of the bed, a clear gesture that you were done watching him," she wrote. "I wanted to scream at you. I wanted to launch an epic fight that very moment. I had been watching the baby and the toddler all damn day. I was going to be waking up with the baby to feed him all damn night. The least you could do is hold him for a couple of hours in the evening so I can attempt to sleep."

Wanting just a few precious hours of sleep isn't too much to ask for, and Erlach is furious that her husband would put her in the position that she'd need to ask, let alone that he'd not be able to give it to her. She sees herself and her husband falling into the same stereotypical roles that their parents filled during their own childhoods -- but this simply isn't going to work for her. 

"My responsibility to feed the family, keep the house clean, and take care of the kids is assumed, even as I return to work. I blame myself for most of it too. I have set the precedent that I can do it. And in truth, I want to," she wrote. "I also see my friends and other moms doing it all, and doing it well. I know you see it, too. If they can manage it, and if our mothers did it so well for us, why can't I?"

It could be because their moms suffered in silence for years or that her friends are just playing a part on social media but secretly struggling. "Or maybe, and this is something I berate myself over every single day, I'm just not as qualified for the job as everyone else. And as much as I cringe just thinking it, I'm going to say it: I need more help," she wrote. "Part of me feels like a failure for even asking."

Toys on the floor
Breastfeeding Mama Talk/Facebook

Just to clarify, Erlach says her husband does help and is an amazing father. But "helping" isn't enough. "I'm human, and I'm running on five hours of sleep and tired as hell. I need you," she wrote.

So just in case he doesn't get it, this is exactly what she needs: for her husband to get the toddler ready in the mornings so that Erlach can care for the baby, make lunches, and God forbid have a cup of coffee. "And no, getting the toddler ready does not mean plopping him in front of the TV," she wrote. "It means making sure he went potty, giving him some breakfast, seeing if he wants water, and packing his bag for school."

At night, she needs an hour alone to be able to decrompress while knowing that the toddler is alseep in his own bed and that Dad has the baby taken care of. "I know it's hard to listen to the baby cry. Believe me, I know," she wrote. "But if I can watch and pacify the baby for the majority of the day, you can do it for an hour or two at night. Please. I need you."

On weekends, she simply needs some time for herself to get out of the house and feel like an individual -- even if it's just a trip to the gorcery store. "And some days when I've scheduled swim class and play dates, and it seems like I've got it all under control, I need you to offer to lend me a hand," she wrote. "Or suggest I go lay down during the kids' naptime. Or start putting away the dishes without me suggesting it. I need you."

Lastly, see needs some damn appreciation and recognition every once in a while for all that she does. "I want to know that you notice the laundry is done and a nice dinner has been prepared. I want to know you appreciate that I breastfeed at all hours and pump when I'm at work when it would be easier for me to formula feed," she wrote. "I hope you notice that I never ask you to stay home from your networking events and sport activities."

The only thing harder than doing all of this alone is admitting that she needs help, which is exactly why Erlach's husband better take it seriously. "I wish I didn't need kudos for doing things most people expect from a mom. But I'm waving a white flag and admitting I'm only human," she wrote. "I'm telling you how much I need you, and if I keep going at the pace I've been on, I will break. And that would hurt you, the kids, and our family. Because, let's face it: you need me, too."

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