This Mom Never Got a Push Present & 4 Kids Later, She's Pissed

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When a woman has a baby, she's giving that child's father the greatest gift in life. Yes, that baby isn't 100 percent hers to give him, per se (he did after all play a role in making him or her), but everything a mom goes through both physically and emotionally blows his contributions completely out of the water. That's where push presents comes in: a relatively new concept of guys buying something expensive or sentimental to gift the mother of their child in honor of the baby's birth.


The idea of buying a push present can be pretty divisive, with many either loving it or hating it. Then there are those like Jessica Johnston, who feel seriously frustrated that this wasn't standard practice when they gave birth. "WHERE IS MY PUSH PRESENT???" she wrote on her Wonderoak blog's Facebook page. "I found out about this (new?) phenomenon a couple of years ago and I realized the universe (aka my husband) owes me some kicka** swag for my vaginal contribution to the world."

For Johnston, learning that she missed out on the opportunity to get a seriously nice gift for each of her babies feels like it did when both Pinterest and Say Yes to the Dress came out after her wedding. "Shout out to my ladies who feel me on this. We were not even AWARE that kids would be so adorable carrying chalkboard signs down the aisle and that everything must be wrapped in twine," she wrote. "ALSO NO ONE TOLD US ABOUT Pnina Tornai or flower crowns. On second thought, thank God I was married before 2007." 

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So to be clear, this mom of four is ready and waiting for her missing gifts. "It's my daughter's seventh birthday today, and I just want to leave this friendly reminder that I'm still accepting gifts (both monetary and otherwise)," she wrote.

And in case her husband needs some help, she has a few suggestions for worthy presents for what she's been through. The first: case of wine. "With a hand-made card that says, 'Sorry about your vag.' OR 'Hope your hemorrhoids are better.' You SHOULD be sorry," she wrote. "Those precious cherubs tore outa there like runaway freight trains. Pushing was not kind to my lady business. My lady business wants its reward."

The second option is gift cards toward a boob job. "Pregnancy and breastfeeding were like I hit puberty for the first time (helloooo ladies) ... only to have it stolen away again (this time with less elasticity)," she wrote. "I have shown them to most of my friends for a second opinion, and it has been assessed that this situation is quote 'dire.'"

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If he isn't feeling either of those, she'd also like her precious sanity back. "I'd just like to be able to remember my own phone number at CVS on the FIRST try," she wrote. "Wherever the brain cells have gone, I want them back."

But Johnston isn't picky, and she's open to a variety of tokens for her immense contribution to their family. "Jewelry, gold pieces, trips to Tahiti, lifetime memberships to Ikea, The Readers Digest sweepstakes ... you know what evs. I'm chill. I have pushed and now I want my presents," she wrote. "BUT IF NOT ... I guess I'll take these four cute faces instead."

Because all jokes aside, Johnston knows there's nothing more rewarding than getting to be a mom. 

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