This Mom Nails Why You Should Stop Asking People When They're Going to Have Kids

adele barbaro
Adele Barbaro/Facebook

It may be difficult to admit, but many of us often say things that we probably shouldn't, especially when it comes to the subject of kids. With the best of intentions, we often ask deeply personal questions surrounding people's decision not to have kids. As one mother has shared in a recent Facebook post, these seemingly harmless questions can actually be really insensitive.


Adele Barbaro is the mom behind the popular Real Mumma blog and Facebook pages. She is known for her raw and honest views when it comes to the subject of parenthood, and one of her most recent posts certainly backs that up. 

real mumma blogger
Adele Barbaro/Facebook

One of the most poignant parts of the post is the photo attached to it: Adele appears in a selfie holding up a sign that simply reads "stop asking couples when they are having kids!"

For couples who are just plain tired of fielding questions about their lack of children, this sentiment is much appreciated, but her additional words on the subject provide a new, less thought-of perspective. For those struggling with infertility, these questions can be especially difficult to deal with. 

More from CafeMom: 6 Things You Probably Never Realized Are IVF Shaming

"We are just enjoying being newly married, we have some traveling we want to do first, I'm just focusing on my career right now," she wrote. "These are just a few of the reasons I used (with a forced smile) to mask what was really going on."

Adele also delves briefly into the times when she didn't quite feel like being polite about the nosy probes into her personal life. "I wasn't always that pleasant. One day I responded with 'it's not that f-cking easy, you know.' I had just got my period that morning ... again."

The mother of two spoke on how difficult it was to have people minimize her struggles, offering words of "comfort" that she hadn't asked for. "They would tell me that I'm not going to be young forever or that my maternal clock was ticking," she said. "And believe me, I knew it. I just didn't need to hear it from everyone else."

Her post goes on to discuss how "the odds of conception and retaining a pregnancy are actually pretty sh-t," mentioning that those odds are even worse for people who suffer from things like endometriosis and polycystic ovary syndrome. People like her. 

Adele even got pretty frank about the inherent struggle of IVF. From the physical aspects to the mental, the mother spared none of her feelings. "It is the most time consuming, invasive, expensive and emotionally painful roller coaster I have been on. It actually broke me. You have so much invested in the process, financially and emotionally that it consumes your every thought," she wrote. 

She shared that the difficulty she had getting pregnant changed her in many ways -- one of the biggest ways being how she felt when those around her started getting pregnant. "I became quite bitter, desperate and depressed."

"We were one of the lucky ones," Adele explained, sharing that while she and her husband were fortunate to get pregnant after about a year, this isn't necessarily the case for others. "But many couples will be trying for years. And some may never succeed and my heart goes out to them."

The mother also found a way to include couples who had no desire to have children, those who are suffering the loss of a child, and even people who can't take on the financial burden of more than one kid.

More from CafeMom: This Is What Going Through IVF Is Really Like

Her bold words go to show that the way we often approach the topic of having kids is callous to those who already may be struggling with it. 

"So, next time you go to say that 'throwaway' comment to the newlyweds or the couple that have been together for ten years, be sensitive," Adele writes. "Don't ask them when they are having kids. You never know what's going on."
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