The Simple Way This Couple Finds 'Calm in the Chaos' of Parenthood


Delightful Stills Photography/Facebook

Expanding your family pretty much instantly turns your life upside down, and it's easy to forget about the peaceful nights that you and your partner used to spend together, or the couple you once were. When all of your focus is on your little ones (and the mess they are about to make or crisis they need you to deal with), your mindset starts to shift to permanent mom mode as you lose sight of who you are outside of a parent.

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As a mom of two, Morgan Ramsey of Delightful Stills Photography learned how to do something pretty magical and stay connected with her husband through the craziness that comes with parenthood. How they got here wasn't easy, and her advice is something that many parents need to stop and read: "Sometimes you need to find the calm in the chaos."


Delightful Stills Photography/Facebook

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Morgan explained that at one point in your new life as a parent, you'll wake up and realize there's been a major shift. "That's when you realize your, 'what would you like to do for fun today? Where should we go out tonight? What would you like to talk about today?' turns into, 'will you change the baby's diaper? Can you please help me clean? Will you get up with the baby this time?' and suddenly you're disconnected from the easy going, free loving adventure your life once was," she wrote on Facebook. "You're exhausted, you're disheartened by the lack of attention you show each other." 

It's understandable that once you have babies, your little ones come first, but Morgan urges parents not to forget where that love all began. "The need for constant attention is real, if you don't believe me, ask my children," she wrote. "Don't forget that you are human too and the feeling of being forgotten is also real."

Morgan isn't just sharing wishful thinking; she is passionate about couples giving her simple advice a try because it's something that she and her husband had to learn the hard way. After the birth of their first child, she and her husband started having problems that only got worse when they had a second baby. "It seemed like we forgot about all the little things that connected us on such an immense level," she tells CafeMom. "We had a really rough spot a year ago and that's when I realized that we were neglecting to nurture our relationship."

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After she realized just how much she missed her husband Michael, the pair made the decision to dedicate time to figuring things out and working on problems instead of just fighting about them. "We played 21 questions, we started going on dates, we talked about everything," she says. "A perfect relationship doesn't exist, whether you want to believe that or not. We still have trials and tribulations now, we just deal with them in a healthy way." 

At some point during the day, Morgan says to always have a conversation with each other but to make kids, work, and money off limits. "Ask your partner how their day has been, and listen to what they have to say. Do not minimize the burden of stress each of you carry on a daily basis, don't compare pain," she wrote. "Always, talk about the first night you met. Remember that spark that lit your romance on fire."

For Morgan and Michael, it comes down to connecting and communicating daily beyond the rushed parenting reports. "A simple, 'I love it when your hair is all messy' comment can brighten a day quicker than the kids can destroy a room," she wrote. "A quick kiss on the forehead or tight hug around the waist while you cook dinner to let them know you appreciate them."

Morgan wants others to always remember the big picture and that just because your partner doesn't show it doesn't mean it isn't on their mind. She's learned that if you always have your ears open and are willing to listen, you'll be able to see things from their point of view and find a happy medium. "Sometimes when you want to cry, laugh instead," she wrote. "Embrace the glorious mess that you are."

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