The Hysterical Way a Dad Learned Kids 'Have No Shame' Is Every Potty-Training Parent

potty training dad
DaDMuM/Facebook

After countless diaper changes with massive blowouts, squirming bodies dripping with pee, and painful rashes needing cream, it's hard not to count down the days until your little ones are completely potty trained. However, there's one major obstacle that parents have to face -- but often overlook -- before entering the diaper-free phase: the actual potty training. And as one dad recently learned, this stage can be pretty sh*tty.

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When Brad Kearns started potty training his 3-year-old boy, Knox, this dad from Australia quickly learned a valuable lesson. "Kids have no shame. All I want is a kid who tugs on my pants leg and says, 'Excuse me daddy, can you please take me to the bathroom?'" he wrote on his Facebook page DaDMuM. "Okay okay, so I know that's never going to happen."

funny potty training story
DaDMuM/Facebook

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Knox proved that this just wasn't his style during a birthday party when he was too busy enjoying the animal-filled festivities to realize what his body was telling him. "Sarah and I were talking and I bust Knox doin' the FOMO stance. You know the one ... where they stop dead in their tracks while they're playing ... legs together, hands on knees, arched back, intermittent breath holding and a bit of red faced pushing," he wrote. "For some reason every time I catch him doing the FOMO he was already looking at me first. As if he knew. As if I'd sent him to an Ivy League school and he was about to show me his Arts Diploma."

Needless to say, it was too late at that point, so Brad took Knox to the bathroom, cleaned him up, and give him the pep talk reminding him to let mom or dad know the next time he needs to poop. "I washed his undies, put them back in my pocket (proud as f*ck to be honest because I saved them and they were good Spider-Man ones). Walked back over to the party just to be called disgusting and had to throw them out anyway," he wrote. "But that's not the story. The point is I wanted him to tell me next time." 

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If only it were that easy. A few days later, Knox and Brad were running errands when the opportunity presented itself again. "I was on it this time. We practiced that sh*t like a primary school fire drill," he wrote. "The thing about children is you can't get angry at them when they do what you say."

Knox didn't want to let his dad down, and Brad was beyond ready for when his toddler made the sign that the time had come -- but that still doesn't mean things would work out the way this first-time potty-training dad had hoped. "So when you're in the Woolies dairy section on a busy Saturday morning and your 3-year-old starts yelling, 'POO DAD, POO DAD' like there's a f*cking fire in the trolley ... you got no choice but to pick them up and run like a linebacker to the toilet. Smash open the cubicle door, throw him on the seat, catch my breath ... just for him to say, 'Me don't need to do poo anymore.'"

Ah, the joys of parenthood. But at least this time there wasn't a Spider-Man casualty! 

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