Mom Perfectly Sums Up Why the Age Gap Between Your Kids Doesn’t Matter

pregnant mom and kids
triplemelt/Instagram

When we were little we had it all planned. We knew how many kids we would have, what sex they'd be, and exactly when we'd have them. Perhaps you even picked out names (Kelly Cupcake seemed like the perfect baby name when I was 11). But life doesn't always go according to plan. Some of us know the hard way that you can't wish a healthy pregnancy into existence just because you want your child to have a sibling that's close in age

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Ali Harris of the popular lifestyle blog Triplemelt says not to worry. Now pregnant with her third child, the former age-gap obsessive recently shared an Instagram post with a must-hear message on why you shouldn't stress over the time span between your kids.

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"It's easy to obsess over when to have another child, many of us aiming for that 'perfect' age gap so they're close enough in age to play together but old enough for us to not have to be wiping more than one bum at once," the UK mom writes. "Anything much bigger than that and we worry that they won't be close."

Harris has been open about the fact that she always wanted three children close in age. She had her first children less than three years apart, and became pregnant with her third child, a little girl named Poppy, when her oldest was 5. But when the family lost Poppy six months into the pregnancy, Harris's idea of the "perfect" age gap was shattered.

She worried what people would think if she were to have another baby now. After all, her youngest was a kid now, not a toddler. "But we all know life doesn't always work out as we plan and when that perceived perfect period of 3 years or so passes it can feel like you've failed -- not just your own image of that perfect family but society's too," she writes.

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A year after the family lost Poppy, Harris started to try for another baby. It took over three years, but she's now pregnant with her third child. Her story is a reminder that the age between our kids is a small detail compared to the bigger bond they will share as siblings and the love they will share with the family. "The last few years have also taught me to move the parameters of what I thought was 'perfect' and embrace how things are, not how I -- or anyone else -- thinks they should be."

People are so hung up about siblings being close in age so that they'll have common interests, but Harris points out that one of her besties has a 10-year age gap with her sibling, and they're super close. Plus, having older kids when you're pregnant means momma gets pampered! "I'm even getting back rubs and baths and LIE INS!" she explains. "And that never would have happened a few years ago."

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So if you're doing pregnancy math and freaking out over when the right time to have another baby is, don't. Whatever age your kids are when they become siblings is the right one. "Experiencing this pregnancy with my kids at the age they are after what we went through is nothing short of a gift," Harris explains.

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