Finally Disney Embraces My 'Gay Mom Agenda'

Disney Beauty and the BeastBeauty & The Beast Still/Disney; design by Anne Meadows

Okay. Okay. I give up. You're right. I do have a gay agenda. I do. More to the point, I have a lesbian mom agenda. And, I have to tell you, it's serious business. So serious, in fact, that I have recruited powerful people and companies from all around the world to help me forward it. But there is one big fish that I have been waiting to land for ages that I never thought I would have a prayer of reeling in. And then it happened. There they were, just swimming around in my ocean after years of telepathic pleading and spell-casting ... Disney.

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Yes, you heard that right. Disney has signed onto the gay conspiracy and they are all in. What's amazing is that they'd make such a leap. I never saw it coming. I mean, how could Disney go so crazy? What do they think they're doing, reflecting real life or something? Geez Louise!

Although, I have to say, a parent, I have worked hard to teach my daughter so many important lessons, and Disney has echoed so many of those in the past ...

I've taught her to never give up no matter what challenges life throws at you -- and there was Dory and the crew chanting, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming," right there on the big screen.

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I've taught her that family isn't defined by blood -- and there were Lilo and Stitch to show her exactly what that meant.

I've taught her that what makes you different is what makes you special -- and there was Dumbo and his magical ears to prove my point.

I've taught her to be brave -- and there was Merida standing on her own two feet and not allowing anyone else to define who she was or what she could do.

Lessons about friendship and facing adversity and following your dreams and trusting your instincts and being yourself and not sweating the small stuff and casting aside gender roles and taking care of your family.

But imagine my surprise when Disney signed on to forward the gay agenda and, more specifically, the lesbian mom agenda. I mean, the importance of true friendship; waiting for your prince to come; holding fast to your dreams? Fine. But signing the whole gay agenda thing? Now, wait just a minute! I mean, think about what that would mean!

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Oh, oh, oh, forgive me. I failed to enumerate what that agenda is:

1. Raise a healthy, happy, kind, accepting human prepared to go out into the world and do good.

2. Repeat step one.

Yup. Horrifying isn't it?

But there they are. Right up in it, supporting my dastardly plan! Disney has a gay character in the new live-action Beauty and the Beast. Yes. Gay. He's gay. LeFou, Gaston's sidekick, is gay. The film's director, Bill Condon, confirmed it and even said, "LeFou is somebody who on one day wants to be Gaston, and on another day wants to kiss Gaston."

Kiss him. A man wants to kiss another man. Can someone please check the sky for pigs, and Hell for icebergs?

Come on. Do you know what that means? Do you know what this will teach our children? Kids will think that being gay is -- gasp -- normal. Kids will think that being gay is just -- oh the horror! -- something that some people are born being. Kids will think that -- say it isn't so -- someone can be gay and it will in no way affect you personally unless you're gay too and the two of you consent to being in a relationship, or otherwise engaging. The horror. The horror.

And that's not all. Oh no. Not by a long shot. They also had the audacity to show two men kissing in a cartoon the other day. Two men kissing in a scene where -- get this -- other people are kissing one another too! I know. I know. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself. But there it is. Right in the animated show Star vs. The Forces of Evil.

Just like that. Like it's nothing. Like a boy can kiss another boy just like a boy can kiss a girl. It's like the world has gone mad. I mean, seriously? What's next? This whole gay marriage thing actually sticking? I mean, it's part of my gay agenda. But Disney, supporting equal rights and kindness and acceptance? What is the world coming to?

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Now don't worry. No one is taking it lightly. I mean the big dogs are on it. All 12 of the "Million Moms" are speaking out, saying, "Issues of this nature are being introduced too early and too soon, and it is becoming extremely common and unnecessary." Absolutely. We cannot have children being told to accept others as they are, and to -- I don't know -- mind their own f-cking business about issues that in no way affect them, including people loving who they love. Sheesh.

And an even bigger dog, some guy who owns a drive-in movie theater in -- get this -- ALABAMA, has said he is no longer going to show Beauty and the Beast at his drive-in. Nopity. Nope. Nope. Nope. No can do, he says, because patrons need to be able to come to his establishment without "worrying about sex, nudity, homosexuality, and foul language."

I can totally see how exposing children to sex and nudity and naughty words could be questionable. So, showing them that it doesn't matter who you love? Being accepting of people no matter what? Now that's a true horror show! (Violence isn't on that list, of course, because a good beheading or torture scene -- ooooooo -- or a bloody massacre in a basement full of kidnapped women, now that's the kind of good wholesome family fare that you want to embrace.)

The fundamentalists are up in arms in full force too, naturally with so-called "Christian" leader Franklin Graham saying that Disney is attempting to -- brace yourselves here -- "normalize" the homosexual lifestyle and "push the LGBT agenda into the hearts and minds of your children." Yup. You heard it here. And there is nothing that men like this hate more than turning the other cheek and walking a mile in another man's shoes and judging not lest ye be judged and, well, you get the idea. No Christ-like behavior allowed on this man's watch. No siree Bob. So keep your lessons of acceptance and normalcy to yourself and let hate and ignorance prevail.

So, I don't know what to tell you. It's a tough call. I mean, you can cave in and join our gay agenda and let your kid see that nightmare of a movie. But then everyone will know what a thoughtful parent you are, teaching your kids love and kindness and acceptance and -- wait for it -- truth. Or you can join the dozen or so Million Moms, the upstanding Alabama business owner, and the fundamentalists, and stand firm against Disney and anyone else determined to further this mission of peace, equality, and love.

I suppose there's really only one question to ask yourself, fellow moms: Do you want to stand on the right side of history?

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