4-Year-Old Taken Away From Disabled Parents & Even the Judge Is Heartbroken

A disabled couple in the UK just lost custody of their 4-year-old son because a court found the combination of his parents' disabilities and his own special needs left them unable to care for him. It's a heartbreaking decision that even the ruling judge called "wretchingly sad."

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None of the family members have been identified, but an evaluation of the mother found that she has a "borderline of a mild learning disability." The father was diagnosed with "significant cognitive impairment."

The judge took great pains to explain that their disabilities didn't make them bad parents or people -- but that they are simply "unable to manage" their son's particular "complex" developmental issues. Social workers also said the parents were struggling to keep the boy clean and fed and to teach him right from wrong.

It's not that the parents didn't try. The court acknowledged how much they love their son, but said the parents would require around-the-clock assistance, which isn't realistic.

Now the boy will be placed up for adoption.

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Social workers and family courts deal with devastating and gut-wrenching cases like these all the time, all over the world. And while laws may differ from place to place, the primary concern of any child protective intervention is the immediate safety of the child. Of course everyone can sympathize with these parents, who through no fault of their own have been deemed ill-equipped to take care of their son. But the court made a tough decision that will likely save the boy's life. And for that, they deserve a little credit.

The judge who made the decision, Sir James Munby, explained how awful he felt and said these parents have every right to feel the court's treatment of them was "neither compassionate nor humane." 

But what if the court were to give the boy back to the parents and he was injured -- or worse? It's just a risk they couldn't take based on all the evidence.

There's no question taking a child from his or her parents should be difficult and met with all sorts of skepticism. And even under the most obvious circumstances of gross parental negligence, taking a child away from his or her mom and dad is a traumatic event, which is why the first goal of any intervention from child protective services is to keep the family together. But the system's role is also protect kids in danger. So when judges are forced to make impossibly tough decisions like this one, our best bet is to trust them.

I'm holding out hope that the boy's parents, who might not be able to care for him full-time, can still play a central role in his upbringing. As a parent who adopted from the foster care system, I know firsthand there are all sorts of arrangements that can be made for children to maintain contact with their biological parents after an adoption. If everyone can work together, they can likely come up with a solution that meets all of the little boy's needs and keeps his biological parents in his life.

Wouldn't that be a happy ending for everyone? They sure deserve one.

 

Image via Rumble Press/Flickr

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