Dad Blogger's Tips for 'Defending' Yourself Against Judgy Parents

breastfeeding in public idiot defenseIf you haven't figured it out already, a large part of being a parent is dealing with idiots. Now, now, I'm not talking smack about your kids. I'm talking about the kind of jerk who will whine to the waiter that he just can't enjoy his steak because, OMG, a woman is BREASTFEEDING halfway across the restaurant or the know-it-all who insists you wouldn't be tired if you just slept when the baby slept?


Wouldn't life be easier if we could just ... smack these people? I know. I know. Violence is not the answer. And yet dad David Vienna may have just come up with the most brilliant response to the jerks who can't handle a little baby getting his eat on in public. Forget self-defense classes to keep you from getting mugged in the grocery store parking lot, Mom. It's time for a defense against misinformed parenting class!

Take, for example, what you should do when some Neanderthal dares to claim "breastfeeding in public is obscene." Obviously you're not going to stop giving your baby the nourishment they so desperately need. So what do you do?

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Simple! According to a tutorial Vienna put together for the guys at How to Be a Dad, all you have to do is, "Grab the offender by the hair and throw them into a sack of angry badgers." He even offered up a sneak peek at the result (see above).

It's ... well, it's brilliant. So brilliant I wish I'd thought of it first. At the risk of starting a gender war (arm thyself, woman!), I wonder if it isn't because Vienna is a Dad that he came up with this whole defense system. We ladies tend to wage our so-called mommy wars with words. That's all well and good (we're forever telling our kids "use your words," aren't we?), but it's not exactly ... working. 

Idiots still abound! In the grocery store! At the local coffee shop! In the pediatrician's office (yes, really).

And when you haven't slept in three months, your nipples feel like someone has taken a steel wool pad from the sink and rubbed on them for three hours or so, and you actually just peed a little as you sneezed, do you really have energy to expend on a good harangue? Or the room in your brain left to come up with a good zinger?

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Nah ... throwing 'em in a bag full of badgers is certainly more satisfying. And you can get back to feeding that baby!

Love David's response to boobs about breastfeeding? Wait until you find out what he suggests doing to people who tell you to "sleep when the baby sleeps" or "get some extra help" over at How to Be Dad.

What would YOU like to do to folks with bad parenting advice?


Image via David Vienna/How to Be a Dad

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