Reality Show About 'Extended Breastfeeding' Will Be Hilariously Boring

toddler breastfeedingI guess we should be grateful it took this long: A reality show about breastfeeding past infancy is currently in the works. Brought to you by the always tasteful folks responsible for such classic and classy television as Dance Moms. So at least we know this will be a sensitive and thoughtful portrayal of parenting and challenges and the choices we make!

Phew! Cause for a minute there, I bet you were worried this was going to turn out to be like all those other reality TV shows. You know, the usual "Hey America, let's go out of our way to make this particular group of people look like sideshow freaks! It'll be fun!" kind of thing.

Of course you and I both know that's exactly the kind of thing those ethical Dance Moms producers are hoping for -- another hit series filled with moms doing stuff the rest of the world can laugh at and judge.

But as a mom who breastfed two kids past infancy, I have news for those producers ...


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Boy, are they ever in for a disappointment! The concept of extended breastfeeding might spark some spirited mommy war battles of the virtual variety, but the reality of extending breastfeeding doesn't exactly make for gotta-see TV:

Here we have so-and-so sitting at the computer, trying to type a few mid-morning emails while her antsy 2-year-old noisily slurps on her left boob while mindlessly doing the hand motions for "The Wheels on the Bus."

Here we have some other so-and-so sitting on the couch zoning out in front of an episode of The Real Housewives after a long day while her 1-and-a-half-year-old nurses on her right boob and occasionally attempts to stick her fingers in Mommy's nose. (Sometimes she succeeds, as Mommy is pretty tired and barely notices.)

Point is, there is no way to make this stuff exciting. I can promise you this will be the most boring reality TV show ever made. Sure, maybe there'll be the occasional argument with a disapproving family member or meltdown over the loss of that perky pre-baby bosom, but basically? It ain't Toddlers & Tiaras, people. That said, those of us who practiced extended breastfeeding will no doubt find ourselves snorting with laughter when, say, some poor woman's kid pulls her boob right out of her shirt in line at the grocery store. But everybody else watching will probably have dozed off by then.

What would you expect a reality show about extended breastfeeding to be like?


Image via various brennemans/Flickr

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