Delusional 'Toddler & Tiaras' Types Think Pageantry Is Athletic

tiaraSince the whole Toddlers & Tiaras phenomenon became ... well, a phenomenon, I've had a lot of questions about parents and pageant culture. Why would a mom even want to introduce her daughter to that lifestyle in the first place? And how do those who've been doing the beauty queen thing for a while justify spray-tanning their 3-year-old and capping her baby teeth?

Now at last, I have my answer. Kinda sorta. Unfortunately, this answer only raises more questions ...

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Barbie Granda, Arizona mom of Ellie Granda (who was featured on the last season of T&T), says she thinks of pageants as a sport, and all the trappings -- from fake tans to fake nails and on and on -- as no different than football helmets or knee pads or any other type of athletic gear.

"So if you're missing teeth and you're standing up there in group lineup and you see this girl has perfect teeth and this girl has perfect teeth and then this girl looks like a jack o' lantern, you know because she's 6 or 7, it does take away from that total package," she says (in defense of pageant contestants wearing false teeth).

Oh, okay. That makes -- wait a minute. What exactly is this "total package" supposed to add up to? I mean, is the sum of a 6-year-old girl supposed to equal something other than a 6-year-old girl?

NO, NO, NO. For the love of god, no. And that's what I mean about this "answer" raising more questions. So now I know how at least one mom rationalizes exposing her daughter to all this dysfunction, but that doesn't matter, because she's clearly irrational to the core and I don't know WHY. Was she a pageant kid? Is she trying to live through her daughter? Is she just ... dense?

I suspect there's just no good answer at all.

Why do you think moms put their daughters in pageants?

 

Image via Br3nda/Flickr

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