The Smurfs Movie Isn't Out and It Already Gets the Thumbs Down

SmurfsWhen I was a kid, I was as committed to my Saturday morning Smurf-watching routine as I am to… well, my rerun-watching routine now that I’m a grown-up. (I’m not too big on structure, so that’s probably the best comparison that I can make.)

I would snatch my little fuzzy blanket off my bed, drag it into the living room, pour myself a bowl of Frosted Flakes or, if my mom had gotten real fancy, some Cocoa Krispies — after I shook the box down for the toy inside, of course — and la la la la la la’ed myself into happy oblivion. Sigh. Such super fond childhood memories tied to the Smurfs.

So this movie that’s being released is doing nothing to endear me. Papa Smurf with sunglasses on? Live-action animation? Get that outta here. When The Girl asked me this morning if we could go see it, I was forced to decline. For the sake of nostalgia.

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The price of a 3D flick doesn’t help much either. We went to see The Transformers last week and I spent — hold on to your bra straps — $26 for two tickets. Now, because I had already promised her that we could see it and I was at the ticket kiosk when I discovered that this mommy/daughter movie date was going to cost probably as much as I’d spent on the outfit I had on (go Marshalls!), I felt bad about canceling the transaction and hightailing it home. I did flounder for a moment, though. I cannot tell a lie.

But we went, she enjoyed it, and that’s one for the memory bank and the blog. She better have had a good time because she won’t be parking her rear in a 3D movie theater, on her mama’s dime anyway, for quite some time. Especially not to see a crummy remake of what I insist is a classic.

Hollywood must be out of ideas. I mean, they’re either remixing superhero comics (don’t worry, I checked and yes, Wonder Woman is in the works), time-honored television shows (it’s only a matter of time before The Cosby Show comes to the big screen), or ancient movies that were shot way back when the bells and whistles of modern technology were beyond anything even the Jetsons could imagine. That’s not always a good thing. Sometimes it’s better to leave well enough alone. They crossed the line when they tampered with my Handy, Greedy, Vanity, Brainy, and — gasp — Smurfette.

I actually feel bad for our kids. Their cartoons suck. Seriously. What in the world kind of warm remembrances are The Girl and her generation going to remember about their lame-o cartoons? They are terrible, with the exception of maybe Spongebob, who makes me chuckle from time to time with his super silliness.

But for all of the channels available that didn’t exist when I was a kid (or maybe they were and we didn’t have cable so I wasn’t privy to them), it’s a wasteland of failed animation. On top of Saturday mornings, there was afterschool cartoon tomfoolishness to look forward to. I’d sling my bookbag on the floor, grab a snack, and park my caboose in front of our floor model Zenith. I loved Duck Tales and the Animaniacs. Loved Inspector Gadget. Loved the Gummie Bears. Loved the Snorks (really, weren’t they just underwater Smurfs?)

Even though they were old as all get out when I was watching them, I loved Scooby Doo, Bugs Bunny, and adored Tom and Jerry. Still do. I’ll crack up over them in a hot minute. My all-time favorite episode was the one where Jerry’s uncle came to visit and kept pulling Tom’s whiskers to replace his broken guitar strings. In case you’re not familiar:



And oh my gosh, remember Pepper Ann? I just broke out in the theme song: who’s that girl, what’s her name, is she cool, is she lame? OK, I wasn’t necessarily a child when Disney aired that one — I was probably in high school, matter of fact, or well on my way there — but I loved me some Pepper Ann. And Doug. And Recess. And Hey Arnold!

I’m really taking it down memory lane today. Maybe it’s because I have jellies on. Yes, I own a pair of jellies. Today. In 2011. Don’t judge me.

What were your favorite cartoons when you were a kid? What would you like to see turned into a movie?


Image via paalia/Flickr

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