Mike Huckabee Suggests Natalie Portman Repents for Her Sins

Natalie Portman
Natalie Portman
Really, Mike Huckabee? You think Natalie Portman, an engaged 29-year old pregnant woman with a consistent and lucrative livelihood, who may or may not have planned her out-of-wedlock pregnancy, is glorifying single motherhood? Oh yeah, because that's a sin, right? Setting aside the fact that this country has far more important worries on its hands than Natalie Portman's bun in the oven, what, dear Mike Huckabee, do you propose that sinner Natalie Portman should be doing, instead, as she awaits the arrival of her first child?

Here are some ideas of ways Natalie could repent, Mike. See if they're to your liking ...


How Natalie Portman Could Repent to Make Mike Huckabee Happy

1. She should stay home. Never mind that she's winning Best Actress awards all over the place and that she was the front-runner to win the Oscar, the biggest recognition in her life's work, and won -- oh, and that it's a free country and all! Hide away, little pregnant sinner!

2. She should be sent to live with a faraway relative. C'mon the 1950s were AWESOME for women, let's go back. Let's send women who don't live their lives by societal standards into hiding. Maybe she still has family in Israel. That's far. And that's what you get, Natalie, for starting a family in a way that you wish with a man you love.

3. She should be forced to wear a giant "P" on her red carpet gowns.

4. No more speeches allowed, only apologies for her sins. When Natalie hits the mic, instead of discussing beautifully how she's taking on "the role of her life" and calling her fiance "my love," she should be reading passages about repentance from the Bible.

5. She should pay the price for her sinful choices. And by pay the price, I mean she should turn herself into a role model against single motherhood -- and get paid thousands of dollars for each lecture. That'll teach her.

6. Gawker has two great ideas:

...why isn't Natalie Portman sleeping in a gutter somewhere, turning her big doe eyes up pitifully at every passing stranger, begging for government handouts, and then giving birth to a sick baby, to be realistic?

Next time she wins an award, Portman should be wheeled out in a Modesty Box with eye-holes cut in it. To protect the children.

7. Or here's an idea, my favorite for sure, Natalie Portman should simply go about her life, have her baby, marry her fiance (or not -- we don't really care), be happy as can be, and show Mike Huckabee a thing or two about minding his own damn business.

What do you think Natalie Portman should do instead of walking in this free country like she's, well, free and has choices or is a human being?


Image via SplashNews


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