Pizza Hut Thinks Its Pizza Is More Exciting Than Childbirth

stuffed crust pizzaAs if we needed any more proof that corporate America thinks it's the bomb. Now Pizza Hut wants you to know its new stuffed crust deal is a big deal of Joe Biden proportions. And by big, we mean bigger than giving birth to a child.

In a new commercial (so new it wasn't even on YouTube at press time), a couple is practically orgasming over the prospect of getting their ooey gooey stuffed crusted goodness for only $10 a pie. Yup, $10 a pie! The day they heard that was the best day of their lives! And come on, can you blame them? I can't wait for my daughter to get one of those Book It slips so I have an excuse to hit the Hut and bite me off a piece of that dough-cased mozzarella.


Then there are this couple's kids, who seem to think the day they were born was supposed to rank slightly higher than an artery-clogging, New Year's resolution ruining pizza. Dang kids. Always there to yank you back down to reality.

And here's where I yank Pizza Hut down a peg or two. Oh masters of the onion and mushroom on melty cheese with sauce I pretend I like, you have failed me. You actually let the parents cave.

Of course our kids' births were better! Totes! Best two days of our lives were the days you were born.

'Scuse me? Hello? Woman who gave birth here? Thirteen hours of labor, child banging her bony skull against my hip (or so it seemed), 45 minutes of pushing, etc. give me leave to call BS on these parents, and on you Pizza Hut. Your pizza doesn't rank over my kid (gotta work on that sauce, dudes), but the day you give birth is not the best day of your life. No matter what kind of little miracle comes out of you.

The day you give birth is probably the first day you've pooped yourself since the second grade. And it's definitely the first time you've ever tried to push a watermelon-sized something through an apple-sized hole. It's not all unicorns and rainbows coming out of the vag.

Ah, still trying to recover from the thought of poop and vaginas in the same sentence as your pizza? Try this one on for size: if the day you give birth is the best day of your life, that means every day you spend with your kid sucks in comparison.

Have you seen this commercial yet? Is it an eye roller?


Image via Pizza Hut

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