A couple in South Carolina has been arrested for abuse of a 7-year-old boy, who was beat repeatedly with a belt and shoes. The victim told police that he was “spanked” on numerous days, and forced to keep soap in his mouth. He had multiple bruises on his shins and rear end.
The alleged abusers, Amber Tyler, 27, and Coolidge Mike McDaniel, 29, were charged with child cruelty and released Sunday on a $1,000 bond.
The police report said that the little boy was afraid to go home because he might get “spanked” again for telling.
Let’s be very clear about something before we go any further: This kind of abuse is not, I repeat, NOT spanking. I know that some people would argue that all spanking is abuse, but I can’t think of any sane, responsible adult that would classify blows that leave bruises as spanks.
Parents that choose to spank their children should have rules regarding the use of it as a punishment. First of all, it should be used for discipline only. The child should know why they are being spanked, and if they’re anything like my kids, they’ll know exactly why before even being reminded.
Spankings should always be followed by love and forgiveness. Isn’t that the point of punishment? To correct bad behavior so we can get back to having fun? My kids aren’t often spanked anymore (they’re growing out of that stage), but they’ve always been back to happy play within minutes. They usually recover from the trauma of it all much more quickly than I do.
The parameters should be decided on with the parenting partner, and made known to the children, before such discipline is used. In our house, the kids get between one and three swats on the rear (depending on the offense), and they get to choose between dad with an open hand or mom with a kitchen spoon.
Spankings should never, ever, ever leave bruises. Ever. A spanking that leaves a bruise is not a spank. Spanks should be swift and sting, but a quick swat is not the same as a punch, kick, or even slap. That’s abuse, not discipline.
Shame on anyone that justifies child abuse by labeling it “spanking.”
Do you spank your children? Do you cringe when you hear of violent abuse mislabeled as spanking?
Image via BackgroundNow.com/Flickr
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Comments 43
Some would say that "spanking" your kid with a kitchen spoon is bordering on abuse. Da fuq?
I think if spanking is going to be a form of punishment, it should always be done when the parent or spanker isn't angry. It should be done in a manner of control. I was rarely EVER spanked, really none of use were. I do spank, but for the most part I use time outs. My son works wonders when he has time outs, my daughter can care less. But a swat on her hiney and its over. Its all in the way that the spanking is approached. Mainly its just important to have consistency. But to lash out on a child... with words or physically is wrong. And I'm sickened it.
Way to set you your daughters for tolerating domestic abuse "spankings should always be followed by love and forgiveness"
I use spankings solely for my children when they are between the ages of three and five and only for deliberate disobedience. For example, I told my three year old to stay out of the pantry until lunch time. I came back to find him sticking his hand in the peanut butter jar. After cleaning him up, I reminded him what I had said and he confirmed that he remembered. He got three swats (because he is three years old) and a three minute time out. He came out afterwards to apologize and we moved on. By the time my kids are five, deliberate disobedience does not occur.
Kelticmom, I agree 100%. Very well said.
Husbands and wives are equals, parents and children are not. I think that is a silly comparison. As is claim that it is setting kids up to be ok with domestic abuse. When I was a kid my mom only spanked me when it was something REALLY serious (ie:running into the street), and it was one quick, painless swat on my behind to shock me and get her point across effectively. It was ALWAYS followed up with love and reassurance. As in "I love you so much, that is very dangerous and I need you to understand that, that is why I spanked you". Never did it again. And for the record, I dont believe in spanking my kids, I just don't agree with that line of reasoning.