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    Stephen Colbert had graduates from the University of Virginia grabbing their stomachs for most of his 17-minute commencement address yesterday. The satirist, who did not attend the university (his application to attend there as a transfer student was rejected) but whose wife, Evelyn, did, put on a show worthy of any Colbert Report. Even the mandatory "advice" part on the end, where he makes fun of Millennials for be self-absorbed and beholden to their social media gods, is hysterical. But seriously, is this guy never not funny? He could breath and we'd laugh.

    Here are 9 of his most brilliant quips from the speech:

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    We all have days when being a mom is the most amazing and rewarding experience ever. With cherries on top and dancing bears that fart rainbows scented like cotton candy. Then there are days where we can't wait until it's bedtime so we can have a HUGE GLASS OF WINE. And then another. It's those challenging days that I want to personally pull the fingernails off of certain people because they help take my kids from level 5 annoying to level 11 out of 10. 

    Go on and say it's my fault because I'm an awful mom. I'm going to sip my wine and blame others. Here are the five worst people to run into when you are with your kids ... particularly on those challenging days.

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    Even though Joan told Peggy last week, "Everything keeps changing out here, but everything's the same in there," all of the characters on Mad Men have had to face major changes in 1968. One of the biggest, undeniably, has to be the merger between Sterling Draper Cooper Pryce and Cutler Gleason and Chaough. In just the matter of several episodes, the man we knew mostly just as Don's arch rival and Peggy's new boss, Ted Chaough, has gone from a minor annoyance and SDCP competitor to a main character in season 6. Not just that -- he's Don's full-on foil!

    That said, I wouldn't be surprised if the actor who plays Ted, Kevin Rahm, has more than a little insight into the rest of season 6. Here, intriguing details he recently spilled to Vulture.com that seem to offer major clues about what's in store for Draper, Chaough, & Co. in the coming weeks ...

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    You're not going to believe what I'm going to say next. You just won't. There are only THREE episodes left in what's been a badass third season of Game of Thrones. We've seen some major moments for Daenerys Targaryen, Jaime Lannister, and Jon Snow, and fans are hoping that the season is going to end on a ridiculously high (yet most likely tragic) note.

    On Sunday, "Second Sons" is the leadup to what's going to be one of the craziest episodes ever ("The Rains of Castamere") -- or so readers of A Storm of Swords think. So, what the heck, might as well speculate what we're going to see in "Second Sons," and try to figure out what exactly the title is referring to. This is what Sunday is for, after all. Game of Thrones.

    SPOILERS TO COME. If that wasn't obvious enough. If you don't want to know what happens in the book, check out some cat gifs instead. You're welcome.

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    You know what we don't see enough of? Cherry vanilla cupcakes. Seems like flavors such as chocolate, plain vanilla, and coconut dominate the cupcake world -- that is not okay! Cherry vanilla anything is amazing, so why aren't we seeing more of this scrumptious flavor in our cupcakes?

    This recipe is isn't hard to whip up; you won't break the bank buying the ingredients, and come on, it's cherry vanilla cupcakes! What's not to love?!

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    It's a sad, sad day, everyone!!!! Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have really broken up, you guys!!!! No really. No REALLLY. Do you notice all the soggy tear marks over these sentences?!!! Do you notice all the exclamation points to try to convince you we really believe this latest bit of gossip, and that we're absolutely distraught?!!!! Okay so, no, it's probably just all bullshit again. Or a day that ends in "a-y." Yes, we know we all have a right to be skeptical. But we have to go with this, you know, because it's our duty to the entire Bella and Edward-loving world. We have to be positively wrecked by this news even though these two break up ever other day and it doesn't surprise us in the least.

    Yet there is one thing about this recent rumor that makes us wonder if this time it's really, kinda, sorta true, and that's ....

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    Is it just me or has this been a particularly awful month in terms of horror stories about women being kidnapped, killed or forced to do depraved things against their will? Last thing we need is another one, but of course, we got it. A former Philadelphia police officer has been arrested for date raping -- possibly at gunpoint -- two 20-year-old women he met at a party. Richard DeCoatsworth, 27, was arrested and charged with rape, sexual assault, terroristic threats and related offenses after the two victims reported him to police.

    Here's how the sordid string of events went down:

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    When 18-year-old Jackie Rosas of California saw something disturbing on a blog she follows regularly, she didn't just feel worried for a minute, then click over to a new site. Rosas took action, and that helped save the life of a teenager she'd never even met.

    It's a pretty amazing story. Rosas was able to help authorities track down the identity of the 16-year-old girl who made a suicidal threat on her Tumblr blog, even though they only knew her first name. 

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    Somewhere, Rihanna must be gnashing her teeth and wailing. As we know, Rihanna and Chris Brown love to give clues into the status of their relationship and I don't mean they change their Facebook status to "It's Complicated." (Which would be so much more simple and helpful.) No, they do it all over Twitter. Their last exchange reeked of tit-for-tat with Rihanna tweeting after their latest breakup:

    Settling is not an option! Nothing less than 100% loyalty, honesty, and respect!! Love ain't for kidz.

    Wait a second, wasn't she dating Chris Brown?! Anyway, Chris seemed to respond with, "She's not mine if she's everybody elses." Which isn't quite grammatically correct, but gets the point across. And now here comes some MAJOR fuel to the twit-fire. And it wasn't even Rihanna or Chris who tossed the log on. It was Chris Brown's ex, Karrueche Tran. Yeah, the same one who got dumped for Rihanna.

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    A mother was arrested inside her daughter's school after allegedly assaulting an 11-year-old girl whom her daughter says was bullying her. Attifa Brown was charged with a slew of things that make her sound like a terrorist -- including "terroristic threats." Which makes me wonder what that entails exactly because I have the feeling well all make "terroristic threats" occasionally when we're pissed off! Anyway, the mom says she had good reason to confront the 11-year-old -- because she was beating up her daughter, who even has a face bruise to show for it. She denies she assaulted her, however.

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