'Fifty Shades of Grey' Author EL James Just Wrote a New Book & It Sounds Awful

Image via Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images

E.L. James
Image via Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images

Author EL James has finally published a book outside of the infamous Fifty Shades of Grey franchise, but critics aren't convinced she's really removed herself from the characters of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele. They also don't believe her actual writing ability has improved by much either. In fact, the reviews for The Mister are downright awful.

  • James's new book, The Mister, was released this week, and immediately and completely ripped to shreds by critical reviews.

    The plot revolves on an impossibly rich English earl named Maxim Trevelyan, and his undocumented Albanian maid, Alessia Demachi. Alessia had been a victim of sex trafficking before escaping, and although she was somehow still a virgin by the time she landed herself cleaning one of Maxim's palatial estates, you know that doesn't last long at all. 

    Even though this book reportedly doesn't include any BDSM, it's apparently still pretty painful -- for the reader at least.

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  • It wasn't long before people were ripping The Mister to shreds on social media.

  • Critics were even less kind. 

    Anita Singh of The Telegraph wrote in her review, "This is where The Mister stops being a daft romp and turns into something morally repugnant. 'Sex-trafficked. F--- -- that was one hell of a shock ... even after all she's told me, I can't keep my thoughts above my waist. I'm like a f---ing horny schoolboy ... the truth is, I still want her and don't my blue balls know it.' Alessia wakes screaming from a nightmare about being found by her traffickers, and Maxim's reaction is: 'Of course, I'd like to make her scream in a different way.' Utterly horrible."

    Sophia Gilbert of The Atlantic wrote, "It's not just that The Mister is bad. It's that it’s bad in ways that seem to cause the space-time continuum itself to wobble, slightly, as the words on the page rearrange themselves into kaleidoscopic fragments of repetition and product placement."

     Kayleigh Donaldson of Pajiba wrote, "Some people are not equipped to write stories of social realism that delves into topics like domestic abuse and sex trafficking. E.L. James is to these topics what Hannibal Lecter is to vegan cookery."

    Dana Schwartz of Entertainment Weekly offered this horrific insight, "We meet [Maxim] sleeping with his dead brother's wife less than a week after his brother's funeral, but he's still recalling the woman he bedded the night before: "Who was it last time? Jojo? Jeanne? Jody? Whatever. She was some nameless f--- who moaned a great deal both in and out of bed."

    We're just going to skip this one, thank you very much.