'50 Shades of Grey' Met With Anger From Unexpected Protestors

fifty shades of greyThere are some protests happening outside movie theaters playing Fifty Shades of Grey. It's not kids demanding they have their mom back and it's not some uber-religious group worried about sex on the brain. It's those who are into BDSM. Dominatrixes are protesting Fifty Shades saying it's giving those who enjoy ropes and flogging a bad name.

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I get it. Those who are into this kind of sex can be labeled as [insert whatever derogatory term here]. The big issue that dominatrix Mistress Tara Indiana has with the movie is that it portrays those who are into bondage as sick individuals who need to be cured. Indiana said of Christian's fancy for dominance in the bedroom:

It says this is the only kind of sex he can have because he's damaged, and through the love of a virginal woman, he's finally cured. We don't want to be cured -- we're not sick.

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Christian confessed that he was the victim of sexual assault when he was 15, which led to his admission that he is "fifty shades of fucked up" and it's the reason why he is the way he is. Mistress Tara doesn't like this. She wants people to know that this film isn't the norm. She feels the writer didn't fact check, and that the film portrays women who like sex as loons, and they got it wrong because it's so rare for a man to be a dom like Christian is. She went on:

There's no dungeon that caters to dominant men because there's no demand for it. If somebody wants to make up stories about vampires, that's fine because vampires aren't real people.

I'm a real person, and if you're going to make up stories about my sexual orientation that are going to influence the way hundreds of millions of people see me, I'm going to have a problem with that.

I have to speak to Indiana's point about how there are no dungeons that cater to dominant men because there is no demand for it. She's right -- there isn't a huge demand for it. It might have to do with the fact that there are so few strip clubs where naked men are dancing in comparison to the massive industry of female strippers catering to men's pleasures. And we can throw in any kind of sex worker comparison in there as well. Just because someone isn't paying for it, doesn't mean it isn't happening. At home, behind closed doors, in the privacy of bedrooms or kitchens or wherever your kink takes you, there are dominant men tying up submissive women with red rope and they love it.

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My friend Samantha, who enjoys rough sex sometimes, said, "To many BDSM is not a compulsion or a necessity to enjoy sex, it's just a flavoring. I hate the way media portrays it as an addiction (and I guess to some it is) and that those that engage in some activities NEED them to be fulfilled which is not true."

Carrie's sex life includes BDSM. She told me that she had a perfectly normal, if not privileged upbringing. She had loving parents, great friends, no abuse in sight. "I enjoy being tied up -- so what? Knowing someone you completely trust can focus on your pleasure and all you can do is enjoy it is hot. It makes you relax and just focus on sensations. The idea that it's tied to abuse has foundation, but it's certainly not the main reason I enjoy it. I enjoy it because it's enjoyable, plain and simple."

I spoke to a dominatrix in NYC who wishes to remain anonymous. On her fellow dominatrix protesting the film, she said:

It's a movie. If people are having better sex because of it, then good for them. If some become more curious about BDSM because of it, then that's great. Maybe more women will have more orgasms as a result of opening up and exploring their sexuality. Again, it's one movie. It shouldn't be the word or the final word on dominance and submission.

And if someone thinks I need to be "cured" because I am into this, I don't care. I'm just going to let them live in their bubble.

We cannot expect Fifty Shades of Grey to be the answer and final truth on every aspect of BDSM. It's one film, one series of books -- a fantasy. We don't watch The Lego Movie expecting our kids' legos to start singing Everything Is Awesome in real life. We can't complain when the Batman lego is an asshole in the film when he never would be like that in the other movie. It's just a movie. Fifty Shades painted one picture and to some that is a sexy picture, one that has turned people on, perked up their sex lives, and expanded their fantasies. And for that reason alone, everything is awesome.

What do you think? Did Fifty Shades get it wrong and does it bother you?

 

*Names have been changed.

Image via Fifty Shades of Grey/Instagram

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