'50 Shades' Trailer: 9 Things That Will Make You Gag (PHOTOS)

Kiri Blakeley | Jul 29, 2014 Movies

Fiiiiinaaaallllyyyyyy!!! The Fifty Shades of Grey trailer was released and OMIGAWD. We finally get our first look at Anastasia and Christian. Not to mention the Red Room of Pain and Charlie Tango. But nothing about the books, nor the movie's casting, nor the trailer has ever gone smoothly. Fans are always divided. And the trailer is no different. For some ... it's everything they wanted and more. For others ... not so much.

Count me in the latter category. I admit I'm not a fan of the books; however, I was sort of looking forward to the movie, primarily because I know I'll be forced to go see it (thanks, coworkers!) and I'd prefer to be entertained for two hours rather than bored silly -- or trying to stifle my laughter. But alas. The trailer promised more of the bored/laughing experience than the entertained one. Here are nine things about the Fifty trailer that made me, well, GAG.

  • First Look at Anastasia Steele


    Let's face it, Dakota Johnson is not what most people pictured. I will say that since she's supposed to be playing a girl who is mousy and insecure, she does believably convey that. But maybe too much. Dakota has deep circles under her eyes that make you think she isn't getting much sleep -- and she hasn't even gotten kinky with Christian yet.

  • Christian's Assistant


    Get a load of Christian's fembot-esque secretary. Right away you know he's not hiring Stanford grads.

  • Ana's Outfit


    What is up with that flowered stiff-collared shirt?

  • Ana's Personality


    "There's really not much to know about me. I mean, look at me." Because it's really all about your looks, folks. Especially with that shirt.

  • First Look at Christian Grey


    That hair. Those big baby blue eyes. Those bud lips. That soft voice. Jamie totally looks like a little boy. Awwww. Cute, but not "intimidating" in the slightest, as Ana says. But she seems like everything intimidates her. And the dialogue! His response to her "Look at me" is "I am"?? I hope it doesn't go on the whole movie like this: "Kiss me." "I am." "F*ck me." "I am!"

  • Ana's Teary Eyes


    Ana is almost crying already. WTF? Ana, you just met this guy! So unprofessional.

  • Textbook Psychopath


    "I had a rough start in life." Oh, good lord. Get over it. You're an adult! Go to therapy! Whipping young girls will not cure your psyche.

  • Gray Hoodie Jogging Scene Alert


    Haven't we seen this scene before? From Rocky to Shame, men go jogging in gray hoodies when they're emotionally unavailable.

  • Christian's Body


    That moment when you realize Ana is just about as tall as Christian and there's no way he could dominate her physically.

fifty shades of grey