6 '80s Childhood Characters That Have Become Naughty Instead of Nice

Jenny Isenman | Jun 12, 2013 Movies

Polly PocketYou guys may not know this about me, but I'm a Gen X Lifestyle Expert, which means part of my job entails nostalgically recalling all the fun things that came out from the '70s through the early '90s, and I do so with love and a mild obsession. Which is why I can't understand why all the totally awesome characters that were popular with my generation needed to be glittered, glammed, and slutified for my kids.

Do you remember the innocence of Polly Pocket, how she just bent at her midsection? The chubby cheeks of a Rainbow Brite and her entourage? Of course you do, because that was what made them adorable and innocent like us.

They didn't look like they were on their way to go clubbing with Ke$ha. They didn't have curves and they certainly didn't don body-hugging unitards that Madonna would call too racy for an awards show.

Now, they come with cocktails and cellphones, though it looks like some of them should come with an IUD ... or at least a morning-after pill.

Here's proof:

What do you think of these toys?


  • 1. Polly Pocket Goes to Prom

    1

    Images via eBay and eBay

     

    Once a cute little tchotchke, Polly and her friends are now decked out for the dance. In my day she was thinking, "Hmmm, vanilla or chocolate?" Now, she's thinking, "It's a night to remember." (Really, it says it on the box. I'm kinda concerned that she's carrying a condom in her clutch. Scratch that, I'm concerned she's not.)

  • 2. Strawberry's Milkshake Brings All The Boys to the Yard

    2

    Images via eBay and eBay

     

    Strawberry has traded her Amish style "I churn my own butter" bonnet for a French beret (not worn here), silky locks, and a svelte figure. I don't know if Custard would recognize her.

  • 3. Rainbow Brite Raids Nicki Minaj's Closet

    3

    Images via eBay

    Remember Rainbow and her basically androgynous crew, the color kids? They were so cute and pinchable. Now they're sexy, tatted up teens that you could pinch ... if you wanna risk being arrested for statutory rape.

    Plus, I'm pretty sure Nicki wore Rainbow's outfit in Willow Smith's "Fireball" video.

  • 4. My Little Pony Gets 'Plastic' Surgery

    4

    Images via eBay and eBay

    Remember when those sweet Little Ponies were all doe-eyed and didn't look so ... anorexic? Between the obvious lipo, the tummy tuck, the attitude adjustment, and the eye-job, you'd think they were on an episode of The Swan. Frankly, I think they could use a cheeseburger. Where's a Bronie when you need one?

  • 5. Lego Goes From Blockhead Brick to Brazen Babe

    5

    Images via eBay and eBay

     

    Yes, the one on the left is supposed to be a girl. I know, she looks more like Pat from SNL, but look how she's grown. In 2012 Lego Friends was introduced to interest girls in playing with the "boyish" blocks. Wasn't the fun of Legos the boxy charm? Is nothing sacred?

  • 6. Holly Gets a New Hobby

    6

    Images via eBay and eBay

     

    I don't even remember Holly having a face (well, little more than a profile). That sweet country girl with her rag dress and her farmhouse animals in tow wasn't much of a talker, but now she's dealing with gossip, boys, and mean girls.

    Well, good for her, I always worried she'd become a reclusive cat lady.

  • 7. Monchhichi Goes to Rehab

    7

    Image via eBay

     

    Let's face it, Monchhichis had some bad habits ... the constant thumb and toe sucking was cute, but revamp that oral fixation into a penchant for sucking down mini-bar-sized bottles of Jack and late nights with Amanda Bynes, and I may have to rethink my Gen X status. Let's hope that doesn't happen.

amanda bynes award shows blogs celebrity gossip celebs humor mommy bloggers my generation reality tv snl girls kid clothes sex & dating kindergarten elementary school beauty style trends friends toys video games

More Slideshows