Tom Cruise Auditioning Lindsay Lohan? Pass the Popcorn, Please!

lindsay lohanDid you know that while the Scientologists were allegedly auditioning ladies for the role of Tom Cruise's wife (according to a Vanity Fair cover story), they may have considered Lindsay Lohan? So says a "source." It kind of sounds like some attention-grabbing malarkey to me -- funny how LiLo always manages to insert herself into every celeb crisis out there. But on the other hand, it sounds freaking brilliant.

Back in those days (2004-2005), Lindsay wasn't quite the whirlwind of shitstorms that she is now. Can you imagine how different her life would be like if they'd signed her she'd married Tom? It boggles the mind. Then again, LiLo is LiLo -- maybe she'd still be trouble, just in a different way. But I'm hoping there's still a chance for LiLo and Tom!


I'm even trying to come up with their tabloid name: Tomsay, TomLo, Tomlinds ... I don't know, nothing seems to roll off the tongue. I wonder if that's what finally sank Lindsay?

At any rate, I think it would be a brilliant match. Obviously Lindsay needs a heavy-handed minder, and who better to fill that role than the world's most celebrity-studded, paranoid cult, the Scientologists? (I said, looking nervously over my shoulder at the black sedan following me.) Maybe they could keep her from falling out of cars, dresses, pants, hotels ... or not? I mean, they seem to be having trouble keeping a handle on John Travolta's ... whatever. Maybe Lindsay is too much even for Lord Xenu.

Butbutbut -- if Tom swooped in, "rescued" and reformed Lindsay, and made an honest woman out of her, he'd look like a big hero. Maybe Tom Cruise is Lindsay's last great hope! True, the feminist in me is barfing up her lunch at this whole narrative. If I were Lord Xenu, I'd want to see Lindsay save herself. But Tom could really use some image-polishing right about now. What about what Tom needs, huh? What about TomTom?

And here's proof that Lindsay is still keeping a wee flicker of hope alight for Tom: She tweeted a denial of any involvement with the Vanity Fair expose. "I just want everyone & @TomCruise to know, that I have/had NO part in the VF story.. Nor has anyone in my life, personal and work related." Just in case, you know, she might end up back on the Cruise short list, she wants to stay in everyone's good graces. Look, LiLo does not go out of her way to make nice with just anyone.

What do you think of Tom Cruise and Lindsay Lohan as a couple?


Image via Pacific Coast News

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